[Dixielandjazz] Pending Jazz Trombone Legislation

[Bob Romans]

Pending Jazz Trombone Legislation


Each year thousands are people are killed, maimed or annoyed by 
 
jazz trombones.  The statistics of head, neck and even shoulder injuries 
 
sustained by reed players, French horn and string sections seated  
 
within reach of the deadly seventh position are truly shocking...not 
 
to mention forced early retirement due to ever-increasing hearing 
 
problems reported by classical musicians of all types who are  
 
forced to play the music of Wagner, Mahler and Brahms, as well as 
 
the hundreds of alumni of the Herman, Ferguson and Kenton bands, 
 
and devotees of Kid Ory, Jack Teagarden, Abe Lincoln, Carl 
 
Fontana, Frank Rosolino and Charlie Vernon.
 
  
 
There is current legislation pending in Congress to restrict the sale 
 
of trombones and equip them with child-safety devices. The 
 
influential trombone lobby is, of course, opposed to this. There  
 
have even been several proposals for requiring a so-called "trigger 
 
lock" on all bass trombones! Every year there are reports of 
 
hundreds of innocent children, attracted by the shiny brass and  
 
smooth, seductive curves of an unattended instrument on a stand 
 
in the corner of a room or in an unlocked case who are traumatized 
 
for life by the attempts of a playmate to get a sound out of it, or  
 
who may suffer a collapsed lung or the effects of hyperventilation 
 
by trying the same effort themselves. The owner's feeble "I didn't 
 
know the slide was unlocked" is no excuse! Trombones should be  
 
stored out of reach of children.
 
  
 
Efforts to enact a mandatory 10-day waiting period to purchase a 
 
trombone - which would simply allow a reasonable period of time 
 
for law enforcement officials to cross-check the purchaser's name  
 
against an International list of registered trombone offenders and 
 
Slide-O-Mix addicts, have been repeatedly thwarted by the 
 
powerful Conn-Selmer-Yamaha (CSY) lobby. Law enforcement 
 
officials are particularly alarmed over the increase in crimes  
 
involving use of the "sawed-off" trombone or "sackbut." 
 
Legislation is also pending in several progressive states, including 
 
New York and California, to make carrying a concealed alto  
 
trombone a Class A felony Surveillance video tapes have proven 
 
especially effective in identifying violators of this statute because 
 
career criminals have often tried to avoid convictions by having  
 
their lawyers insist that what eye-witnesses reported as a trombone 
 
was really only an AK-47 or other legal assault weapon. Strict 
 
enforcement has been especially effective when used in conjunction  
 
with the new "Three sharps, you're out" statutes that have already 
 
been approved by many state legislatures.