[Dixielandjazz] Music Definitions

[Rick Knittel]

Rick Knittel - JAZZBONE
37 Ship Channel Road; South Portland, Maine 04106-5136
Phone; (207)-741-2407; fax 2409; Cell: (207)-233-3480;  
E-mail; Knittelsportland at juno.com; Winter (mid January to mid April)
Office; 
7657 Bergamo Ave; Sarasota, FL 34238-4765; Phone/Fax; (941)-924-5186



A CYNIC’S ABC OF MUSICAL DEFINITIONS
 
BANDLEADER: One who has despaired of ever being asked to join a band
CLICHÉ:  Something other musicians play
CLARINET MARMALADE: Essential ingredient in a jam session
CON ESPRESSIONE: Overpriced coffee
DOUBLE STOPPED: Breathalysed twice on the same night
DRUMMER: Someone who hangs around with musicians
EXECUTE: To murder a person – or sometimes a piece of music
FOUR-BAR BREAK:  Extended intermission
FREE JAZZ:  Music you wouldn’t pay to hear
FUSION: Abbreviation for CONfusion
FLYSHIT: Something musicians sometimes get stuck in
ESKIMO: The sixth guy called Mo who somehow got left out in the cold
GRAND: What most pianos are not
GUITAR: Plucked stringed instrument capable of deep expression but now
used mainly as an instrument of torture
IN A MIST:  Where Bix spent his mornings
JAM SESSION:  Unpaid gig
LARGO: Hard-to-Handel tempo
MA NON TROPPO:  Twenties Italian blues shouter
MEZZO SOPRANO: Mezzrow’s other instrument
MOUTH ORGAN: Instrument made famous by Monica Lewinski
MODERN JAZZ: Grandad’s music
RAPPING: What you’d rather not have round your Christmas presents
SCAT SINGING: A style of jazz singing with rather more sophisticated
lyrics than the norm
SLURRING: Bandroom gossip
STANDARDS: What you play on jazz gigs
DOUBLE STANDARDS: What you play on commercial gigs
STEREOTYPE: Hi-fi buff
STRUMPET: Groupie specializing in trumpet players
TRAD:  Prolific composer who never bothered to collect his royalties
THIRD STREAM:  Muddy tributary leading nowhere
WALK:  What every bass player should do before trying to run
AGGRAVATION: Collective noun for an aggregation of banjo players
ROCKER: One whose life begins at forte
BAND OF HOPE: Group who think a decent living can be made out of jazz
GIGABYTE: Refreshments for the band
SCRATCH GROUP: Band led by a washboard player
AGENT PROVOCATEUR: One who is particularly treacherous
FIVE-PIECE BAND: Group with small repertoire
ROCKEFELLER:  Pop group roadie
TREBLE: What women ain’t nothing but  . . .
YOUNG: U.S. President famous for his headgear
 
… and some more Songs For. . .
 
SONGS FOR SWINGING NAZIS
 
U-Boat a New Kind Of Love To Me
How Long Has this Been Goering On?
Smile, Dornier, Smile
Puttin’ On the Blitz
Original Dixieland Goose Step
Heil, Heil, The Gang’s All Here
Nuremburg Joys
That Old Iron Cross
Sweet Eva Brown
Your Lips Tell Me “No, No” But there’s “S.S.” In Your Eyes
 
SONGS FOR SWINGING WINOS
 
I Fall About Too Easily
Booze My  Naughty Sweetie Gives To Me
I’ll Buy A Round
Every Day I Have the Booze
Good Morning, Headache
I Like A Nice J & B in the Morning
I Gotta Right to Sink the Booze
When your Liver Has Gone
Don’t Buy A Round Much Anymore
 
 
 
The above are culled from various editions of AHNI (Allegedly Hot News
International), an occasional, homespun, satirical but-always-erudite,
jazz-oriented kinda magazine.  Most are the wit of pianist Ron Rubin but
others have also contributed.