[Dixielandjazz] Washboards???Best use of :))

Fri Aug 12 15:11:53 PDT 2005

Wonderful reply Carol:  welcome out of lurkdom, and I agree with you 
totally.

Those things are so disgusting,  my wife will drink Beer all day and 
night at a festival  and she only  has one kidney, but she will hold it 
till she gets home before she will go into a Porta Pottie. :))

I have no idea how she can do that, ,but I swear it is true.

I think most men folks use the Look Ma no Hands method.

A question for you however, Since I have never seen one with a sink and 
running water to wash your hands with
are you sure your not using the urinal bowl for a sink.  :(   Oh My!

Cheers,

Tom "off to find a Tree" Wiggins

-----Original Message-----
From: Carol Emerich <cemerich at woh.rr.com>
To: dixieland jazz mail list <dixielandjazz at ml.islandnet.com>
Sent: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 13:51:47 -0400
Subject: Re: [Dixielandjazz] Washboards???Best use of :))

  I can tell you why it takes women longer than men. You open the door, 
step 
  in the door, while unzipping your pants, head straight for the pot, 
take 
 aim and let it go wherever it lands. Zip up while exiting the door and 
 you're done. 

  We women step in being very careful to not step in the moisture on the 
floor 
  and anything else that might be there, hopefully find some toilet 
tissue to 
  put on the seat in case we should accidentally get too close to that 
foul 
  receptacle, then we have to turn around in a space that is too small 
for 
  much movement for even the smallest of women, me for example at 5 ft 
1-3/4 inches and weighing only 105 pounds. 

 Then with one hand we have to raise our skirt or pull down our slacks, 
 standing far enough away so no part of our clothing or body touches 
  anything, while our other hand is trying to keep the skirt or slacks 
from 
  touching that vile stuff on the floor. Then we carefully lower our 
behind 
  over the opening being extremely cautious to not get too close, 
keeping our 
  feet in such a position to balance us in that awkward squatting 
position. 
  If we're lucky we can then relax enough to do what we need to do, then 
start 
  the process of putting ourselves back together again, pulling up 
slacks or 
  lowering skirt, again being careful that nothing touches anything in 
there. 

  Then at least a slight turn is required to dispose of the tissue on 
the 
  seat, if it remained there, very gingerly pick it up off the floor if 
it 
  didn't, flush if we're lucky enough to have a working flusher, scrub 
our 
  hands best we can (do you even do that?) dry the hands and get the 
hell out 
 of there as quickly as we can. 

 And no amount of elevator music could speed up that process. 

 Carol 
 Listener and lurker 

 > ----- Original Message ----- > From: <tcashwigg at aol.com> 
 > To: <Andy.Ling at Quantel.Com>; <dixielandjazz at ml.islandnet.com> 
 > Sent: Friday, August 12, 2005 1:16 PM 
 > Subject: Re: [Dixielandjazz] Washboards???Best use of :)) 
 > 
 > 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> A continuing conversation . . . 
 >> 
  >> Well mates, being an entrepreneur of things musical, I have 
discovered a >> major problem and of course now the solution to it. 
 >> 
  >> It has come to my attention over the past ten years or so that 
there is >> a very big problem of long lines at the Porta Potties at 
all the outdoor >> OKOM festivals, the ladies tend to take far too much 
unnecessary time in >> them, though I have no idea why since I have 
never seen one with a >> mirror. :)) This problem causes long lines in 
the heat of the day and the >> cold of the night which has been know 
top cause some heavy beers drinkers >> to resort to unsanitary 
solutions in the surrounding area which often >> results in dead 
shrubbery and trees and rather annoying smells emanating >> from 
decorative water fountains. 
 >> 
 >> 
  >> Now my solution to this growing problem is actually quite simple 
and I >> did not invent it, Musak did a long time ago for the problem 
they >> discovered with needing to clear elevators quickly after some 
clod had >> passed gas on the way to the second floor when everyone 
else was headed >> much farther up the shaft. They piped in Musak 
elevator music which was >> so bad it causes folks to get off at the 
next floor stop and walk up the >> stairs. This in itself is not a bad 
thing however, since it also forces >> folks to exercise and has been 
known to eliminate heart attacks, although >> in some rare cases it has 
been known to cause one, but that's another >> story. 
 >> 
  >> Now I am offering a new service to pipe in Washboard bands and 
Banjo >> music exclusively into all porta potties at all outdoor events 
which >> should cause the problem to be "quickly eliminated in more 
ways than one" >> reduce the hang time in the porta potties and realize 
a much faster turn >> over of users and increased Beer sales will be a 
side benefit form this >> solution since folks will have more time to 
drink if they are not >> standing in long lines to relieve all that 
pressure. 
 >> 
  >> I am also working on another solution to increase the profits from 
the >> Beer sales at the festivals, by hooking a filtered Hose line 
 from the >> Porta Pottie directly back to the Beer Kegs and a new 
marketing campaign >> for selling recycled Beer rather than just the 
damned cans and bottles. >> NOw I know this will sound icky to some of 
ya'll but think about it a >> minute or two, especially you Festival 
Promoters with non-profit >> organizations, you can start to realize a 
PROFIT very quickly by going >> this route. 
 >> 
  >> For additional revenues I suggest charging .50 to use the porta 
pottie, >> and a quarter to make change for them at the table next to 
them. And >> hey why not charge 'em for wiping paper too, some will buy 
it and some >> won't and just choose to rough it or tear sheets out of 
their souvenir >> festival programs and have to buy another one to find 
their next stage >> and favorite band performance. Make sure the door 
only accepts .50 cent >> pieces so they have to buy change every time. 
Nobody has .50 cent pieces >> anymore nor do they have a slot for $2.00 
bills. I intend to fix that >> problem as well and bring those 
wonderful inventions back to their >> esteemed level of prominence in 
our society as well. Use what you got >> we don't need nothing new. 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> Now this makes cents now don't it. 
 >> 
 >> Cheers, 
 >> 
 >> Tom "Always Thinkin" Wiggins 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? 
 >> A. A drummer 
 >> 
 >> Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with Drummers? 
 >> A. A washboard Player 
 >> 
  >> Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with washboard 
players? 
 >> 
 >> A. A person with good taste and refinement - schooled in the finer 
  >> things in life and appreciative of the artistic creativity 
personified >> by the 
  >> majestic figure of the washboard player engaged in his never ending 
>> pursuit of 
  >> truth and beauty . . . Thanks to the spark of divinity that lies 
within >> the 
  >> soul of the true artist that he may lead us out of the wilderness 
and >> into 
 >> the realm of pure beauty! 
 >> 
 >> And fancies "a bit of rough" -- VBG ;-) 
 >> Andy Ling 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> 
 >> _______________________________________________ 
 >> Dixielandjazz mailing list 
 >> Dixielandjazz at ml.islandnet.com 
 >> http://ml.islandnet.com/mailman/listinfo/dixielandjazz 
 >> 
 >  

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