[Dixielandjazz] A vicious attack

[Jim Denham]

On a recent gig the pianist (a "modernist"), gleefully produced the 
following cutting from the (London) Times of October 31st 2002. Knowing 
my pedigree, he expected it to enrage me, but I found it quite amusing. 
As he and I agreed, there is at least a grain of truth to it. I 
reproduce it below, in the cause of the gaiety of the (British) nation. 
American friends may or may not appreciate all the nuances.

I should also note that there are a couple of unfortunate comments in 
the piece, for which I would not want to be held responsible: Kenny Ball 
has, indeed, been seriously ill recently (but is now recovered and 
playing again); and there is a (very good) band called "the Antique Six" 
that includes some friends of mine. I just thought I'd mention that, in 
case anyone takes this too seriously.


(head line): "Jazz is the banal theme tune of every lost cause

"by Ed Barrett

"The campaign against the new runway at Heathrow is doomed - and the 
organisers have only themselves to blame. From the moment they agreed to 
let a trad jazz band on to their open-top bus, their fate was sealed. 
They might just as well have painted a giant banner saying "This is a 
lost cause", or announced a joint initiative with the South-West London 
branch of the Paedophile Information Exchange. For when the fat lady 
sings - or rather, when the fat men strum and blow - you know it is all 
over.

"Yet there the jazzers sat, pleased as Punch and twice as ugly, blasting 
out 'Heathrow Blues' or 'Runway Rag', or whatever abomination they had 
composed for the occasion. To those hapless souls within earshot, the 
sound of a low-flying jumbo jet would have come as blessed relief.

"Cometh the day, cometh the band. That is the iron law of public 
campaigning. No sooner is a committee formed, than the jazzers turn up 
like the bent coin in Humphrey Lyttleton's 'Bad Penny Blues'. And theirs 
is an offer that cannot be refused.

"The musicians' motives are easily deduced. It is egotism, not ideology, 
that drives them, which is why they will happily offer their services to 
anything from a church fete to a party political broadcast. Like 
hospital disc jockeys, jazz musicians love the sound of their own voice 
- or their own tubas, trumpets and slide trombones - and they will grab 
any chance to inflict their perversion on the innocent. Just as the 
phrase "Cheer up, it might never happen" is guaranteed to bring still 
deeper misery, so the sound of banjo-strummin', tuba-puffin', 
waist-coat-and-boater-wearin' grandads whippin' up a storm can be relied 
upon to spread unremitting gloom. They are the living proof that the 
Devil doesn't have the best tunes - he has the worst ones, and he wants 
to share them with us, at top volume.

"With a public approval rating that ranges from indifference (beer 
tents) through to outright hostility (crowded shopping precincts) trad 
jazz is in the doldrums. In its Sixties heyday, "UK Trad" received 
plenty of media coverage, notes one website wistfully, while in the 
Seventies Kenny Ball "got occasional spots" on 'Pebble Mill at One' 
(let's hope he's fully recovered). These days, even the cable channels 
won't touch it, and the future looks bleak for the likes of the Quayside 
Hot Stompers and the Antique 6.

"In this climate, a dream gig is a keg of real ale and a plate of 
sandwiches. No wonder they are happy to play anywhere there is an 
audience, however impervious it may be to their relentless bonhomie. 
Fields, marquees and floats are their "stomping" grounds, where they 
root and toot to their hearts' content, deluding themselves that they 
are contributing, in their own modest way, to the gaiety of the nation.

"The jazzers' relationship to their charitable hosts is classically 
parasitic. So while the parasite thrives on the public exposure, and 
grows fat on the free beer and sandwiches, the host is inevitably laid 
low. 'Hello Dolly' is nothing less than the death knell 'de nos jours', 
and its stripey-blazered performers are harbingers of doom, every bit as 
dangerous as those of mythology.

"The Heathrow campaign is only the latest in a long line of victims. 
Down the years, the jazzers' tours of duty have taken them from "Save 
the GLC" festivals to the ill-fated Millennium Dome. The result is 
always the same: abject defeat.

"Remember Norman Willis? Thought not. Willis was the hapless leader of 
the TUC during the high tide of Thatcherism. He was last seen leading a 
bedraggled trade union march to oblivion, while accompanying a trad jazz 
band on comb-and-paper. Big Norm retired hurt soon afterwards, but the 
band played on.

"It's high time we called the jazzers' bluff. To them, I say this. If 
you really support the causes you so publicly endorse, leave your 
instruments of torture at home. And to their neighbours, I say this. 
Self-defence is no offence, and there isn't a jury in the land that 
would disagree

"- The author writes for the *Anorak* website.


-- 
Jim Denham