[Dixielandjazz] Music Definitions

[Steve Voce]

It wasn't Stan Getz who said that about practicing. It was Zoot Sims.

Steve Voce

Sent from my iPad

> On 18 Oct 2013, at 18:39, "Bob Romans" <cellblk7 at comcast.net> wrote:
> 
> Thanks to Dan Augustine!
> 
> 
> 
> And here are a couple more thoughts on music:
> 
> 
> 
> "Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass."  --
> Frank Zappa
> 
> 
> 
> "Now, everyone look like you're having fun. Only don't."  --Lawrence Welk
> 
> 
> 
> "When one day an arctic traveler played a recorded song by one  
> 
>  of the most famous European composers to an Eskimo singer, 
> 
>  the man smiled somewhat haughtily and stated: 'Many many       
> 
>  notes, but no better music.'"  -- Curt Sachs _The Wellsprings of Music_
> 
> 
> 
> Someone asked famous jazz saxophonist Stan Getz how he could play so well 
> 
> while he was drunk.  He replied, "Easy, I practice drunk!" 
> 
> 
> 
> Jazz musician Bobby Hackett was once addressed by a customs official, 
> 
> whose sceptical eye had espied his trumpet case:      
> 
>    "Is that a musical instrument?"  he asked.                  
> 
>    "Sometimes," replied Hackett
> 
> 
> 
> "Just hoping it would get better, man."  
> 
>            -- modern-jazz sax-player on why his solo lasted for 20 minutes.
> 
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Subject: Fwd: Definitions
> 
> Date: October 18, 2013 12:43:02 AM CDT
> 
> 
> 
> 
> BANDSTAND: The area furthest away from an electrical outlet.
> 
> BIG BAND: Nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians.
> 
> BROADWAY PIT JOB: A prison sentence disguised as a gig. 
> 
> CABARET: A venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town.
> 
> CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME: God's way of telling you that you've practiced too
> much. 
> 
> CATERER: A man whose hatred for musicians is unrivaled. 
> 
> CLASSICAL COMPOSER: A man ahead of his time and behind in the rent.
> 
> CLUBDATER: God's way of telling you that you didn't practice enough. 
> 
> CRUISE SHIP WORK: A gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up.
> 
> DJ: The guy your son would rather have play for his Bar Mitzvah. 
> 
> DOUBLE BASS: The instrument the folks footing the bill feel is unnecessary.
> 
> DOWNBEAT: The magazine that would have you believe that all jazz musicians
> are working.
> 
> ELECTRIC PIANO: The instrument that enables its player to pay for the hernia
> he sustained lifting it. 
> 
> HOTEL PIANIST: A guy who looks good in a tux. 
> 
> JAZZ: The only true American art form beloved by Europeans. 
> 
> JAZZ FESTIVAL: An event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on the
> B&O railroad.
> 
> LYRIC: That part of a tune known only by singers and homosexuals.
> 
> MELLOPHONE: An instrument best put to use when converted into a lamp.
> 
> MOVIE COMPOSER: Someone who can write like anyone except himself.
> 
> NEW AGE: A musical substitute for Valium.
> 
> NEW YEAR'S EVE: The night of the year when contractors are forced to hire
> musicians they despise.
> 
> ORCHESTRATOR: The musician who enhances a composer's music, only to be
> chastised for it. 
> 
> PERCUSSIONIST: A drummer who can't swing.
> 
> PERFECT PITCH: The ability to pinpoint any note and still play out of tune.
> 
> PIANIST: An archaic term for a keyboard player. 
> 
> PRODIGY: A kid who has as much chance at a normal childhood as the Chicago
> Cubs winning the World Series. 
> 
> RAGA: The official music of New York's Taxi and Limousine Commission.
> 
> RARE VIOLIN: A Stradivarius, not to be confused with a rare violinist, which
> is someone over four foot eleven.
> 
> SIDEMAN: The appellation that guarantees a musician will never be rich.
> 
> STAFF MUSICIAN: Harder to locate than a cavity in the Osmond family. 
> 
> STEADY ENGAGEMENT: Look up in Webster's Dictionary under the word
> ''obsolete.''
> 
> UNION REP: A guy who thinks big bands are coming back.
> 
> VERSE: The part of a tune that's disposable, except to its composer.
> 
> WURLITZER: The Ford Pinto of pianos. 
> 
> YANNI: A man blessed with great hair for music.
> 
> __________________
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> **--------------------------------------------------------------------**
> 
> **  Dan Augustine  --  Austin, Texas  --  ds.augustine at mail.utexas.edu
> 
> **     "The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench,       
> 
> **      a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free,      
> 
> **      and good men die like dogs.  There's also a negative side."   
> 
> **                       -- Hunter Thompson                           
> 
> **--------------------------------------------------------------------**
> 
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