[Dixielandjazz] Ouch!!

Fri Apr 13 19:08:42 PDT 2012

Correction:  Item 41:  You REMEMBERED to take your Flowmax so all sets that 
night are only 15 minutes long.  (woever put this list together obviosly was 
NEVER on Flomax).  Dick

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Richard Broadie" <rbroadie at dc.rr.com>
To: "Richard Broadie" <rbroadie at dc.rr.com>
Cc: "Dixieland Jazz Mailing List" <dixielandjazz at ml.islandnet.com>
Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 6:29 PM
Subject: [Dixielandjazz] Ouch!!

> I'm sure that the following applies to very few of us on DJML because of 
> our EXTREME youth!  Forgive me if this has recently been around.  I'm too 
> old to remember.  :-)
>
> Dick Broadie
>
>
>
>
>
>    Subject: Ouch!!
>
>
>    Ouch!! You're too old to play gigs when.....
>    1. It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than 
> for your amp.
>    2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of 
> golf.
>    3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.
>    4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.
>    5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of 
> your play list.
>    6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.
>    7. You don't know (or care) who any of the new bands are.
>    8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings.
>    9. You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
>    10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
>    11. The waitress is your daughter.
>    12. You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
>    13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
>    14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar 
> case.
>    15. You refuse to play without earplugs.
>    16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.
>    17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
>    18. Your gig stool has a back.
>    19. You're related to at least one member in the band.
>    20. You don't let any one sit in.
>    21. You need a nap before the gig.
>    22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
>    23. During the breaks, you now go to the van to lay down.
>    24. You prefer a music stand with a light.
>    25. You don't recover from a Saturday night gig until Tuesday 
> afternoon.
>    26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.....
>    27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool 
> factor.
>    28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the bar 'cause they're 
> younger than your daughter.
>    29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location 
> ...
>    30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 
> days and could physically do it
>    31. Your set list is dance able.
>    32. You think "homey" means cozy and warm
>    33. You have to look over your glasses to check your PA connections.
>    34. You're playing the same venue in three months and you ask the club 
> owner if you can leave your amp!
>    35. Most of the band members are a lot younger than you.
>    36. Your son is waiting for the gig to end to drive you and your stuff 
> home, then go back out and party...
>    37. Your date couldn't make it because she couldn't find a sitter for 
> the grandkids...
>    38. In consideration of your age, the audience requests some British 
> invasion.
>    39. On all out of town gigs you draw straws to see who the driver will 
> be coming home.
>    40. You start listing your truss as a "business expense".
>    41. You forget to take your Flowmax so all sets that night are only 15 
> minutes long.
>    42. When you get a "Cease and Desist" letter from the Spandex co.
>    43. When you play 2 nights in a row, and the next day your body aches 
> like you played in the Super Bowl!
>    44. Or, you play a Wednesday night gig and call into work sick on 
> Thursday and Friday..
>    45. When the only "Stones" you care about are in your gallbladder or 
> kidney.
>    46. You have to charge extra money if there are any steps to climb.
>    47. Your hearing has deteriorated so badly that you actually ask the 
> guitar player to "turn himself up.
>    48. You call out the next song only to have someone remind you played 
> it 10 minutes earlier.
>    49. Your drugs are keeping you alive rather than killing you.
>    50. You worry more about breaking a hip than being hip.
>    52. Musicians half your age are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or 
> have appeared on postage stamps.
>    53. The only white powder to be found amongst the band members is foot 
> talc.
>    ROCK ON!!!
>
>
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>
>
>  It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant 
> factor in society today.
>  No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account 
> not only the world as it is,
>  but the world as it will be.
>
>
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>
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