[Dixielandjazz] Ouch!!
Richard Broadie
rbroadie at dc.rr.com
Fri Apr 13 19:08:42 PDT 2012
Correction: Item 41: You REMEMBERED to take your Flowmax so all sets that
night are only 15 minutes long. (woever put this list together obviosly was
NEVER on Flomax). Dick
----- Original Message -----
From: "Richard Broadie" <rbroadie at dc.rr.com>
To: "Richard Broadie" <rbroadie at dc.rr.com>
Cc: "Dixieland Jazz Mailing List" <dixielandjazz at ml.islandnet.com>
Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 6:29 PM
Subject: [Dixielandjazz] Ouch!!
> I'm sure that the following applies to very few of us on DJML because of
> our EXTREME youth! Forgive me if this has recently been around. I'm too
> old to remember. :-)
>
> Dick Broadie
>
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> Subject: Ouch!!
>
>
> Ouch!! You're too old to play gigs when.....
> 1. It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than
> for your amp.
> 2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of
> golf.
> 3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.
> 4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.
> 5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of
> your play list.
> 6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.
> 7. You don't know (or care) who any of the new bands are.
> 8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings.
> 9. You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
> 10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
> 11. The waitress is your daughter.
> 12. You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
> 13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
> 14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar
> case.
> 15. You refuse to play without earplugs.
> 16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.
> 17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
> 18. Your gig stool has a back.
> 19. You're related to at least one member in the band.
> 20. You don't let any one sit in.
> 21. You need a nap before the gig.
> 22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
> 23. During the breaks, you now go to the van to lay down.
> 24. You prefer a music stand with a light.
> 25. You don't recover from a Saturday night gig until Tuesday
> afternoon.
> 26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.....
> 27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool
> factor.
> 28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the bar 'cause they're
> younger than your daughter.
> 29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location
> ...
> 30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7
> days and could physically do it
> 31. Your set list is dance able.
> 32. You think "homey" means cozy and warm
> 33. You have to look over your glasses to check your PA connections.
> 34. You're playing the same venue in three months and you ask the club
> owner if you can leave your amp!
> 35. Most of the band members are a lot younger than you.
> 36. Your son is waiting for the gig to end to drive you and your stuff
> home, then go back out and party...
> 37. Your date couldn't make it because she couldn't find a sitter for
> the grandkids...
> 38. In consideration of your age, the audience requests some British
> invasion.
> 39. On all out of town gigs you draw straws to see who the driver will
> be coming home.
> 40. You start listing your truss as a "business expense".
> 41. You forget to take your Flowmax so all sets that night are only 15
> minutes long.
> 42. When you get a "Cease and Desist" letter from the Spandex co.
> 43. When you play 2 nights in a row, and the next day your body aches
> like you played in the Super Bowl!
> 44. Or, you play a Wednesday night gig and call into work sick on
> Thursday and Friday..
> 45. When the only "Stones" you care about are in your gallbladder or
> kidney.
> 46. You have to charge extra money if there are any steps to climb.
> 47. Your hearing has deteriorated so badly that you actually ask the
> guitar player to "turn himself up.
> 48. You call out the next song only to have someone remind you played
> it 10 minutes earlier.
> 49. Your drugs are keeping you alive rather than killing you.
> 50. You worry more about breaking a hip than being hip.
> 52. Musicians half your age are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or
> have appeared on postage stamps.
> 53. The only white powder to be found amongst the band members is foot
> talc.
> ROCK ON!!!
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> It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant
> factor in society today.
> No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account
> not only the world as it is,
> but the world as it will be.
>
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