[Dixielandjazz] Banjo Permit

[Dan Augustine]

>The Banjo Permit Application:

>We are glad to see you applying for a banjo permit. Have someone 
>read this application to you, and answer as best you know how. There 
>is a five day waiting period, as mandated by the Brady Bill. At the 
>end of that period, you will be notified as to the status of your 
>permit.

>Last name:
>First name: Billy-Bob Billy-Joe Billy-Ray Billie-Sue Billie-Mae Billy-Jack
>              (Check appropriate box)
>Age: Sex:  M   F   Not sure   Often
>Shoe Size: Left   Right
>Occupation: Farmer   Mechanic   Fast Food   Unemployed
>Spouse's Name:
>Relationship with spouse: Sister   Brother   Aunt   Uncle   Cousin
>              Mother   Father   Son   Daughter    Pet
>Number of children living in household:
>Number that are yours:
>Mother's Name:
>Father's Name: (If not sure, leave blank)
>Education: 1 2 3 4 (Mark highest grade completed)

>If you are one of those city folks with education that play the 
>banjo, check here
>and please outline in your own words at the bottom of this form why 
>you want to
>play banjo. Neatness counts.

>Do you own or rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
>Total number of vehicles you own
>Number of vehicles that still crank
>Number of vehicles in front yard
>Number of vehicles in back yard
>Number of vehicles on cement blocks
>Firearms you own and where you keep them: truck bedroom bathroom kitchen shed
>Model and year of your pickup: 194
>Do you have a gun rack? Yes No; If no, please explain:
>Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: The National Enquirer The Globe
>              TV Guide Soap Opera Digest Rifle and Shotgun Banjo Newsletter
>Number of times you've seen a UFO
>Number of times you've seen Elvis
>Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
>How often do you bathe: Weekly Monthly Not Applicable
>Color of teeth: Yellow Brownish-Yellow Brown Black N/A
>Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: Red-Man Copenhagen
>How far is your home from a paved road? 1 mile 2 miles don't know
>Religious preference: Babtist Pentacostal Snake- handling Pentacostal
>               Closet Babtist Pagan Pentacostal Holiness Afire and 
>Testifin' Pentacostal
>               Pentacostal Druid Other Pentacostal Cthulhu Cultist
>Where do you intend to play this banjo?
>               On my back porch     with my teeth out     In church 
>In prison
>               In a bluegrass band   In public places        In the bathroom
>Have you ever been convicted or accused of a felony involving
>               small animals     duct tape       ukeleles 
>tobacco juice
>               underage mandolins?
>
>Please complete and reply back, your permit will be issued after the 
>mandatory waiting period.  Please do not hold your breath, drooling 
>would be fine.....

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**         The least-used phrase in the English language is          
**     "That's the banjo player's Porsche."  --  Johnny Carson       
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