[Dixielandjazz] And GOD created Sidemen

[GWW174 at aol.com]

Don't know the author but it is a hoot :-)
 
This might tickle you, courtesy of Frank Stadler.--Joh
----------
Subject: FW: God creates Sideman


From: THE BOOK OF JOBBING, CHAPTER IV: GOD CREATES SIDEMEN 

"And it came to pass that the Leader Nebulon, so called for the vagueness of 
his changes, did find himself with a gig. And as some time had passed since 
his orchestra had been booked, he found himself without sidemen, and made haste 
to engage suitable musicians, but could find none available; for in those days 
there were not many, and those he could find were already working. 

Some worked the Ark with the Leader Noah, and some had the house gig at The 
Walls of Jericho. And though many had played behind the scat-singing team of 
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, many had fallen. 

After weeks of searching, Nebula came unto the Lord and saith, "Lord, there 
are many musicians, but no Sidemen!", and he rent his clothing asunder. 

And the Lord did say, "Thou art a schmuck! Hast thou looked everywhere? Didst 
thou call the Union?" 

And Nebula did say, "Lord, I have looked high and low, especially low. Once 
the land teemed with Sidemen, as dead oxen teem with maggots, and now there are 
none. Many have left the business, many have become idiots, and some have 
even become Leaders, and no Leader will work for another Leader. How shall I 
fulfill the terms of my contract?" 

And the Lord God, who contracted only theatre, recording, and steady 
engagements, was filled with wrath and said unto Nebula, "Begone! Look again! You will 
find the Sidemen you seek!" 

And lo, a shadow was cast upon the land, and in it's wake there came a plague 
of Sidemen. 

But these were not the Sidemen of Old, who followed orders without question; 
who showed up on time; who wore the Jobbiing Toga; who owned a chariot that 
ran; who Knew Tunes and could also read. These Sidemen were all imperfect, and 
difficult. 

Those who most resembled the Sidemen of old were glazed of eye; they were 
Boring, and they were shunned, for they knew not how to Hang. Some could only 
Read, and could not Blow; some knew all the tunes, but did not read. And some 
wore the Toga, but did not wash or press them, or slept in them, or wore Togas 
from the past, with ruffles. 

Many did not believe in maps, and wandered the land looking for the Gig, and 
many did not own an hourglass, and arrived at the Gig whenever they chose. 

And some loved the wine of dates, and some loved the burning of hemp. 

And some did worship the gods Trane, Jaco, Mahavishnu and Ornette, and mocked 
their Leaders. 

Some stammered and stuttered, some whispered under their breath, and some 
would not bathe. 

And many of them were Dark, not in pigmentation of the skin, but in the 
Outlook on Life. 

And some did eat from the buffet, yea, even before the Guests had dined. 

And Leaders began to leave the banquet halls in foul moods, for the leading 
of bands had become like the herding of cats, where each musician chose his own 
direction, and the clients were often displeased. 

And in lieu of orchestras, many clients began to hire DJs, and the sound of 
recorded music was heard at weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. 

And the Lord looked down upon his work, and said, "It will do." 






**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest 
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)