[Dixielandjazz] Clarinetist Looking for Work

[Gluetje1 at aol.com]

Rick, I am so naive that I have to ask if you are kidding?  Because if  you 
are serious, you have stated so many things you will not accept that you  
qualify for musician's disability.  Anyhow, thanks for the exhaustive list  of 
things that bug someone.  Makes me less than humble about my tolerance  level by 
comparison.
Ginny
 
In a message dated 10/3/2006 8:59:53 A.M. Central Daylight Time,  
knittelsportland at juno.com writes:

Rick  Knittel - The Maine Street Paraders
37 Ship Channel Road; South Portland,  Maine 04106-5136
Bus phone; (207)-741-2407; fax 2409; Cell: (207)-233-3480;  Home;
(207)-799-6382
E-mail; Knittelsportland at juno.com; Winter (mid Jan  to mid April) Office; 
7657 Bergamo Ave; Sarasota, FL 34238-4765;  Phone/Fax; (941)-924-5186

Clarinetist Looking for Work

16+  year's professional experience. Specializing in serious presentations
of  pre-WWII traditions of clarinet performance including New Orleans
Jazz,  Brazilian Choro, and French West Indian Biguine. Large repertoire
of  jazz
standards.   Reading OK, Travel OK,  Basic linguistic  skills in French,
German, and Italian.  No drugs, health problems, or  dietary limitations.
Union member in good standing.  No social,  political, or religious
affiliations.   Doubles on alto or tenor  saxophone negotiable. 



(I own a soprano, but in accordance with  well-established codes of
gentlemanly conduct, I do not play one.)  
PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND to this message IF: 

Your band, concert, or  project name uses rhyme, alliteration, puns, 
animal names, or includes any  of the following words or their variants: 
Swingers, Strutters, Stompers,  Ramblers, Hot, Dixieland, Tribute, or
Legacy. 
[For example: Dixie Dogs  of Des Moines, Hot Jumpin' Jazz Lizards, The
Four-Skinny-Minnies Swing  Band, Down-Home-Ragtimers Tribute to Wilbur
Sweatman, etc.]   The  use of All-Stars' is negotiable provided some team
sport or athletic  activity is involved; 
Your dress code or group's uniform includes ANY of  the following: 
White pants or shoes, suspenders, matching golf shirts,  matching blazers,
or any type of hats. Anything made of polyester is out of  the question,
and as a friend in the fashion industry says, 'Denim is just  never a good
idea.' 
I also require assurance that the performance will  not be within 50 yards

of a garter, striped vest, bowler hat, straw  boater, feather boa or
anything with sequins; 
Your rhythm section  includes electric keyboard and/or bass guitar. 
Washboard is negotiable in  the proper context, although offhand I have no
idea what that would be;  
You or any of your band members have a spouse or girlfriend who  sings,
purports to sing, or so much as threatens to sing; 
Anyone  involved in your proposed performance attempts a 'scat' vocal 
More than  half of the selections in a typical program consist of vocal
numbers or are  limited to the keys of Bb and F.   Gospel programs are  an
acceptable exception, but the singer better be damned brilliant;   
Your program includes any of the following:   note-for-note
transcriptions, sing-alongs, or banjo features.   Furthermore, if there is
tuba or sousaphone their solos must be limited to  a maximum of one per
set and may never exceed two choruses;  
At  anytime during your performance, parasols are deployed.  Legitimate
second-lines are the ONLY exception, in which case an additional  25% for
strolling/marching applies; 
Your proposed venue spends more on  sound reinforcement or amplification
than artist fees. 
Compensation for  your job includes ANY of the following: All the beer you
can drink, a free  meal, good publicity or exposure, or bringing a spouse
girlfriend, or  companion for free.  hank you in advance for your
consideration.  --
_______________________________________________