[Dixielandjazz] Another Gig from Hell

[Steve barbone]

This came in from a buddy of mine. Unfortunately it is NOT TRUE and has been
around in Newspapers since 1967 and now the Internet. It is, however, a very
funny piece of fiction.

Cheers,
Steve Barbone 



A Disastrous Piano Recital
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The recital, last evening in the chamber music room of the Erawan Hotel by
U.S. Pianist Myron Kropp, the first appearance of Mr. Kropp in Bangkok, can
only be described by this reviewer and those who witnessed Mr. Kropp's
performance as one of the most interesting experiences in a very long time.

A hush fell over the room as Mr. Kropp appeared from the right of the stage,
attired in black formal evening-wear with a small white poppy in his lapel.
With sparse, sandy hair, a sallow complexion and a deceptively frail looking
frame, the man who has re-popularised Johann Sebastian Bach approached the
Baldwin Concert Grand, bowed to the audience and placed himself upon the
stool. 

It might be appropriate to insert at this juncture that many pianists,
including Mr. Kropp, prefer a bench, maintaining that on a screw-type stool,
they sometimes find themselves turning sideways during a particularly
expressive strain. There was a slight delay, in fact, as Mr Kropp left the
stage briefly, apparently in search of a bench, but returned when informed
that there was none.

As I have mentioned on several other occasions, the Baldwin Concert Grand,
while basically a fine instrument, needs constant attention, particularly in
a climate such as Bangkok. This is even more true when the instrument is as
old as the one provided in the chamber music room of the Erawan Hotel. In
this humidity, the felts which separate the white keys from the black tend
to swell, causing an occasional key to stick, which apparently was the case
last evening with the D in the second octave.

During the "raging storm" section of the D-Minor Toccata and Fugue, Mr.
Kropp must be complimented for putting up with the awkward D. However, by
the time the "storm" was past and he had gotten into the Prelude and Fugue
in D Major, in which the second octave D plays a major role, Mr. Kropp's
patience was wearing thin.

Some who attended the performance later questioned whether the awkward key
justified some of the language which was heard coming from the stage during
softer passages of the fugue. However, one member of the audience, who had
sent his children out of the room by the midway point of the fugue, had a
valid point when he commented over the music and extemporaneous remarks of
Mr. Kropp that the workman who had greased the stool might have done better
to use some of the grease on the second octave D. Indeed, Mr. Kropp's stool
had more than enough grease and during one passage in which the music and
lyrics were both particularly violent, Mr. Kropp was turned completely
around. Whereas before his remarks had been aimed largely at the piano and
were therefore somewhat muted, to his surprise and that of those in the
chamber music room he found himself addressing himself directly to the
audience. 

But such things do happen, and the person who began to laugh deserves to be
severely reprimanded for this undignified behaviour. Unfortunately, laughter
is contagious, and by the time it had subsided and the audience had regained
its composure Mr. Kropp appeared somewhat shaken. Nevertheless, he swivelled
himself back into position facing the piano and, leaving the D Major Fugue
unfinished, commenced on the Fantasia and Fugue in G Minor.

Why the concert grand piano's G key in the third octave chose that
particular time to begin sticking I hesitate to guess. However, it is
certainly safe to say that Mr. Kropp himself did nothing to help matters
when he began using his feet to kick the lower portion of the piano instead
of operating the pedals as is generally done.

Possibly it was this jarring or the un-Bach-like hammering to which the
sticking keyboard was being subjected. Something caused the right front leg
of the piano to buckle slightly inward, leaving the entire instrument
listing at approximately a 35-degree angle from that which is normal. A gasp
went up from the audience, for if the piano had actually fallen several of
Mr. Kropp's toes if not both his feet, would surely have been broken.

It was with a sigh of relief therefore, that the audience saw Mr. Kropp
slowly rise from his stool and leave the stage. A few men in the back of the
room began clapping and when Mr. Kropp reappeared a moment later it seemed
he was responding to the ovation. Apparently, however, he had left to get a
red- handled fire axe which was hung back stage in case of fire, for that
was what was in his hand.

My first reaction at seeing Mr. Kropp begin to chop at the left leg of the
grand piano was that he was attempting to make it tilt at the same angle as
the right leg and thereby correct the list. However, when the weakened legs
finally collapsed altogether with a great crash and Mr. Kropp continued to
chop, it became obvious to all that he had no intention of going on with the
concert. 

The ushers, who had heard the snapping of piano wires and splintering of
sounding board from the dining room, came rushing in and, with the help of
the hotel manager, two Indian watchmen and a passing police corporal,
finally succeeded in disarming Mr. Kropp and dragging him off the stage.