[Dixielandjazz] Church bulletin bloopers

[tcashwigg at aol.com]

when the New Saints Go Marchin In,

enjoy,

Rev. Tom Bob


      Church Bulletin Bloopers

 *    
  Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be 
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

 *    
  The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on 
people who are not afflicted with any church.

 *    
 Evening massage - 6 p.m.

 *    
  The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would 
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday 
morning.

 *    
 The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

 *    
  Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. 
Please use the back door.

 *    
 Ushers will eat latecomers.

 *    
  The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical 
accomplishment.

 *    
  For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a 
nursery downstairs.

 *    
  The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the 
audience.

 *    
  The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir 
will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

 *    
  During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of 
hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

 *    
  Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The 
pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

 *    
  Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be 
discontinued until further notice.

 *    
 Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

 *    
  The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich 
Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

 *    
 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

 *    
  The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the 
church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to 
attend this tragedy.

 *    
  The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special 
thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole 
evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

 *    
  22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. 
Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang 
a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

 *    
 A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

 *    
  Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full 
choir.

 *    
 Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"

 *    
 Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett

 *    
 Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"

 *    
  On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. 
Hargreaves is better.

 *    
 Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

 *    
 Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

 *    
 The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

 *    
 Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.