[Dixielandjazz] Dressing for your tax audit.

[tcashwigg at aol.com]

Now that's thinking outside the BOX folks.  :))

might also want to eat a big bowl of red hot chili with lots of onions 
and peppers about an hour before arrival as well, could very possibly 
enhance the other odors and create a real aura around your person.   
Placing a large can of B.S. Repellant on the table at the audit could 
also help.   And every time the auditor approaches a subject that may 
be in question just jump up and spray the room and chant B.S. B.S. B.S. 
  Hail Mary mother  B.S. B.S  Pray for me for I am a sinner Oh God Help 
Me.  :))!!!

But only if you have been less than reasonably honest and deserve to be 
had. :))

You folks who were execs from Enron know who I am talking about :))
ROTFLOL

Tom

-----Original Message-----
From: Steve barbone <barbonestreet at earthlink.net>
To: dixielandjazz at ml.islandnet.com
Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 16:19:26 -0500
Subject: [Dixielandjazz] Dressing for your tax audit.

   on 2/22/06 3:00 PM, dixielandjazz-request at ml.islandnet.com at
dixielandjazz-request at ml.islandnet.com wrote:

> Gus Bloch at Talegatorz at aol.com wrote (polite snip)

> From Milton Berle's Private Joke Book  Three Rivers Press New York:
>
> Panicked by a letter telling him that an IRS audit is upcoming, a man 
calls
> his accountant, who responds, "Don't worry. I have all the bills and 
papers.
> I've got every receipt. But let me give you one word of caution. When 
you show
> up there, dress like a derelict-torn jacket, torn shirt, old shoes. 
If the
> auditor sees that you're poor, he won't come down hard on you."
> Still concerned, the man phones his attorney and explains the 
situation. The
> attorney says, "I'm sure your accountant has everything under 
control. You'll
> do fine. But one thing-dress well. The auditor will see that you look 
nice,
> you're respectable, and obviously a man of responsibility. Surely you 
wouldn't
> lie on your tax returns. He'll give you a break." . . . remainder 
snipped.

IMO best way to dress for an audit is:

1) Be sure to have all your records, but put food stains and "other" 
stains
on them while retaining legibility.

2) Don't shave or bathe or brush your teeth for the week prior. Clean 
out
the sewer traps, muck horse stalls, etc.

3) Then put on old smelly work clothes and have 3 glasses of Gallo 
Muscatel.

4) Then go to tax audit in a beat up old pickup truck. (smoke cheap 
cigars
on the way)

Your auditor and his bosses will want to get you out of the building as 
soon
as possible.

Cheers,
Steve


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