[Dixielandjazz] Dressing for your tax audit.

[Steve barbone]

on 2/22/06 3:00 PM, dixielandjazz-request at ml.islandnet.com at
dixielandjazz-request at ml.islandnet.com wrote:

> Gus Bloch at Talegatorz at aol.com wrote (polite snip)
 
> From Milton Berle's Private Joke Book  Three Rivers Press New York:
> 
> Panicked by a letter telling him that an IRS audit is upcoming, a man calls
> his accountant, who responds, "Don't worry. I have all the bills and papers.
> I've got every receipt. But let me give you one word of caution. When you show
> up there, dress like a derelict-torn jacket, torn shirt, old shoes. If the
> auditor sees that you're poor, he won't come down hard on you."
> Still concerned, the man phones his attorney and explains the situation. The
> attorney says, "I'm sure your accountant has everything under control. You'll
> do fine. But one thing-dress well. The auditor will see that you look nice,
> you're respectable, and obviously a man of responsibility. Surely you wouldn't
> lie on your tax returns. He'll give you a break." . . . remainder snipped.

IMO best way to dress for an audit is:

1) Be sure to have all your records, but put food stains and "other" stains
on them while retaining legibility.

2) Don't shave or bathe or brush your teeth for the week prior. Clean out
the sewer traps, muck horse stalls, etc.

3) Then put on old smelly work clothes and have 3 glasses of Gallo Muscatel.

4) Then go to tax audit in a beat up old pickup truck. (smoke cheap cigars
on the way)

Your auditor and his bosses will want to get you out of the building as soon
as possible.

Cheers,
Steve