[Dixielandjazz] These problems, thank God, do not occur in jazz

[Will Connelly]

Stolen from a professional recordists list.
Kindly,
Will Connelly


SUPPOSEDLY ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS TO THE ORCHESTRA FROM PROFESSIONAL
CONDUCTORS DURING REHEARSAL

"Pianissimo doesn't mean 'Drop the f--k out.'"

"Listen to the tune, and then accompany it in a non-disgraceful 
fashion."

"Let's see if you can pizzicato together in a non-banjo-like way."

"It's very hard to raise money for something that sounds like this 
does."

"You know, there's a fine line between artistry and s--t. Not that what
you're doing is s--t, but it's close to it"

"Imagine you're getting enough money for what you do."

"Not so bright. It sounds like 'Orpheus in His Underwear.'"

"Play short, especially if you don't know where you are."

"That was a drive-by viola solo."

"Horns, imagine that you've had a really ugly breakfast and it's about
to come up."

"There is a lot of fishing for notes. I wish you would catch some."

"Strings, I know what you're thinking: 'With all this racket going on,
why am I playing?' Well, sorry, there's no
time for existential questions right now."

"The place where you will be shot if you come in early is the bar before
26."

"You're all wondering what speed it's going to go. Well, so am I."