[Dixielandjazz] musician lines

[Rick Knittel]

>From Bruce McNichols at WOKOM

Rick Knittel - JAZZBONE
37 Ship Channel Road; South Portland, Maine 04106-5136
Bus phone; (207)-741-2407; fax 2409; Cell: (207)-233-3480; Home;
(207)-799-6382
E-mail; Knittelsportland at juno.com; Winter Office; 7657 Bergamo Ave;
Sarasota, FL 34238-4765; Phone/Fax; (941)-924-5186

Some old, some new(er)

Did you hear about the bass player that was so bad that even the drummer
noticed?

Kenny G walks into an elevator and says, "Man, this place is HAPPENING!"

What's the last thing a drummer says before he's thrown out of the band?
"Let's play one of MY songs!"

What's the difference between a musician and a large Domino's pizza? 
A large Domino's pizza can feed a family of four.

Have you heard the one about the banjo player that plays in tune? 
Neither have I.

What was the epitaph on the blues player's gravestone? 
"Didn't wake up this morning."

How can you tell if the stage is level? 
The drummer drools evenly out of both sides of his mouth.

What do you throw a drowning guitar player? 
His amp.

How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison? 
Shoot one.

General Custer and his aide were in the fort. The aide said, "General, I
don't
 like the sound of those drums." From over in the hills you hear a voice
yell,
 "It's not our regular drummer."

How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? 
1) "Is that an analog bulb or a digital bulb?" 
2) "It's in the manual, You DID READ THE MANUAL, DIDN'T YOU?" 
3) "That's visual. I only do audio"

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? 
None. They have machines to do that now.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? 
None; the piano player does it with his left hand.

How does a girl-singer change a lightbulb? 
She just holds on and the world revolves around her.

How many jazz pianists does it take to change a lightbulb? 
Screw the changes, we'll fake it.

How many union roadies does it take to change a lightbulb? 
Eleven. You got a problem with that?

What ís the difference between a violin and a bass? 
A bass burns longer.

What do you call a drummer with no girlfiend? 
Homeless.

The bass player came tearing out a club in hot pursuit of another guy.
The bouncer asked him, "What's the problem?" Puffed the bassist, 
"That guy turned one of my tuning pegs, and he won't tell me which one."

How many female country vocalists does it take to sing "Crazy"? 
Apparently, all of them.