[Dixielandjazz] The Mozart Effect

[Steve barbone]

ORIGINAL POST ON ANOTHER LIST, MODIFIED HERE WITH APOLOGIES TO THE AUTHOR,
Tony Agostinelli

Cheers,
Steve Barbone

A new report now says that the Mozart effect is a fraud. Of course, we're
all better off for listening to Mozart purely for the pleasure of it.
However, one wonders that if playing Mozart sonatas for little Hillary
or Jason actually could boost their intelligence, what would happen if jazz
musician/composers were played in their developmental time?


WYNTON MARSALIS EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never
really says anything important.

ACKER BILK EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself
frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.

MILES DAVIS EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his
sister.

ODJB EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume that
he's dying.

JOHN COLTRANE EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the
other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people
stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand
him.

ORNETTE COLEMAN EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually,
people stop listening to him. Child doesn't care because all his playmates
think he's cool.

EDDIE CONDON EFFECT: the child develops a remarkable ability to carry on
several separate conversations at once.

OKOM RETRO BAND EFFECT: the child tends to repeat himself over and over and
over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
and over and over again.

WILD BILL DAVISON EFFECT: the child is prone to savage, guttural and profane
outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.

BIX BEIDERBECKE EFFECT: the child is able to speak beautifully as long as
his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However,
his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.

SIDNEY BECHET EFFECT:  the child becomes Darth Vadar.
 
AND THEN OF COURSE, THE JOHN CAGE EFFECT: CHILD SAYS NOTHING FOR 4 MINUTES,
33  SECONDS. PREFERRED BY 9 OUT OF 10 CLASSROOM TEACHERS.