[Dixielandjazz] Fw: REDNECK MUSICAL DICTIONARY

[Richard Knittel]

Rick Knittel - JAZZBONE
37 Ship Channel Road; South Portland, Maine 04106-5136
Phone; (207)-741-2407; fax 2409; Cell: (207)-233-3480;  
E-mail; Knittelsportland at juno.com; Winter (mid January to mid April)
Office; 
7657 Bergamo Ave; Sarasota, FL 34238; Phone/Fax; (941)-924-5186



REDNECK MUSICAL DICTIONARY



order of sharps: what a wimp gets at the bar. 
passing tone: frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues. 
middle C: the only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low. 
perfect pitch: the smooth coating on a freshly paved road. 
tuba: a compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!" 
cadenza: 
that ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company
comes. 
The heroine in Monteverdi's opera Frottola 
whole note: what's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year. 
clef: what you try never to fall off of. 
bass clef: where you wind up if you do fall off. 
altos: not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or
"Dori-toes". 
minor third: your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal
schooling. 
melodic minor: loretta Lynn's singing dad. 
12-tone scale: the thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer
truck with. 
quarter tone: what most standard pickups can haul. 
sonata: what you get from a bad cold or hay fever. 
clarinet: name used on your second daughter if you've already used Betty
Jo. 
cello: the proper way to answer the phone. 
bassoon: 
typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when. 
a bedpost with a bad case of gas. 
french horn: your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in
at 4 a.m. 
cymbal: what they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in
your pistol with. 
bossa nova: the car your foreman drives. 
time signature: what you need from your boss if you forget to clock in. 
first inversion: grandpa's battle group at Normandy. 
staccato: how you did all the ceilings in your mobile home. 
major scale: what you say after chasing wild game up a mountain: "Damn!
That was a major scale!" 
aeolian mode: how you like Mama's cherry pie. 
bach chorale: the place behind the barn where you keep the horses.