[Dixielandjazz] What's In A Name?

[Stephen Barbone]

What's In A Name?  (For those who still think Jazz Aspen Snomass is a
jazz festival)

Press Release:  Contact: Elsworth Ichan JD.

The Limited Partners Law Firm of Ichan, Cheathum and Howe announced a
series of Class Action  suits against  a large number of entitles for
falsely attempting to profit by deceiving unwitting consumers about the
true nature of their operations.

Among the more visible suits are those on behalf of would be Zoo goers
who were drawn into sporting contests by the Detroit Lions, Cincinnati
Bengals, Chicago Cubs and Chicago Bears, et al. The complaint alleges
that the only animals present were humans in funny suits abusing a
deceased pig's bladder.

Along with misrepresentations by the New York and San Francisco Giants
who deceived attendees by claiming to have Giants on their teams when in
fact they are peopled by regular sized folks.  Suits were also brought
on behalf of native Americans against the Atlanta Braves, Cleveland
Indians and Kansas City Chiefs et. al., for not hiring an adequate
proportion of those minorities.

To say nothing of the suit on behalf of the Audubon Society joining the
Toronto Blue Jays, Seattle Seahawks, St. Louis Cardinals, Detroit Red
Wings, Philadelphia Flyers et. al. This action claims members thought
they were going to birding events when in fact the only birds they saw
were those flipped to each other by unruly fans.

These class actions have also impacted the music world where deceptive
practices are rampant stated Mr. Cheathum. He was quoted as saying they
are considering actions against bands such as the Cell Block 7 to force
them to reveal the amount of time each member has spent as a felon in
San Quentin, Folsom or Alcatraz (in the case of the elder members). He
added that former felons all over California buy tickets to see and hear
their peers and are severely disappointed by the band's clean cut
appearance. And the professionalism of the band precludes their being
subject to musical arrest.

Or Igor's Jazz Cowboys which according to cowboys falsely lured into the
audience, are not cowboys, and according to some Jazz "purists" in the
audience, do not play jazz. The fact that this group is one of the
biggest draws on the festival circuit has no bearing on the case added
Mr. Cheathum.

Even the venerable Sacramento Jazz Jubilee is a target says Mr. Ichan.
They are still referred to as a "Jazz" Jubilee in the press when in fact
much of the music there is not jazz. However, Mr. Ichan was unable to
define "Jazz" when pressed and stated that the long term success of
Sacramento's event was an indication of the broad scope of the
deception.

"Our flagship suit will soon commence against The Original Dixieland
Jazz Band. (ODJB)" "It seems" said Cheathum "that one Jimmy LaRocca has
been trying to foist this band upon the unsuspecting public." Observers
say that the ODJB was formed by Nick LaRocca, Jimmy's father, and that
Jimmy owns the name, but Cheathum is pursuing the idea that this is
false advertising.

Lastly, a suit on behalf of the "Have You Hugged A Tree Today"
organization was filed against Jazz Aspen Snomass. It is claimed that
tree lovers from surrounding states were hoodwinked into going there
over Labor Day to view an endangered species of the Aspen Tree. The
"jazz" genus tree, an offshoot of the quaking Aspen exhibits a jazzy
dancing motion (hence its name) in the fall when the leaves turn.
Members who found out in time, were severely disappointed to learn that
the only thing dancing there will be fans of Bob Dylan and Willie
Nelson. However, they will still lose their hotel deposits and all
events tickets which cost $175. Jazz Aspen Snomass, is a deep pockets
producer of music events in the area. That they have been highly
successful for more than a decade noted Mr. Cheathum, is obviously a
result of deceptive practices.

We have been successful in reforming some of the offenders said Mr.
Cheathum. He cited Barbone Street, which was recently made the name of
the lane on the band leader's farm after a deceptive practices suit was
threatened. As long as the band members gather there once a year, we
will not sue on behalf of the various street departments in neighboring
cities, towns and villages, he added.

Interested parties who may have suffered injury because of these
deceptive practices may join the class by contacting the law firm which
has offices in New York, Los Angeles and Denver.