[Dixielandjazz] FW:
Charlie Hooks
charliehooks@earthlink.net
Wed, 05 Jun 2002 20:33:02 -0500
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Someone suggested a thread awhile back and here are a few from Downs Brown,
a very fine pianist in Houston. Some you've heard before, perhaps all,
though not necessarily attributed to the same people. That cello quote has
been recycled through dozens of conductors.
Subject: musician quotes
> "Nine AM reminds me of Tommy Dorsey at MGM many years ago. The assistant
> director told Tommy that he and his band were to be in makeup at eight
> o'clock the next day, in order to be ready by nine. They were being
> featured in "DuBarry Was a Lady," one of MGM's top musicals, with Lucy and
> Red Skelton co-starring.
>
> Dorsey asked the assistant, 'You mean eight o'clock in the morning?' 'Of
> course,' he was told. 'Jesus Christ,' said Dorsey, 'my boys don't even
> start vomiting till eleven.'"
>
> - from the autobiography of Desi Arnaz
>
> An old trumpet player to a young trumpet player: "The good news is you've
> got a great technique. The bad news is you've got a great technique."
>
> - Bob Barnard
>
> "All I wanted was to be big, to be in show business, and to travel ... and
> that's what I've been doing all my life."
>
> - Count Basie
>
> Sir Thomas Beecham, a British conductor, warned his students never to
> glance at the trombones. "It will only encourage them," he said.
>
> "Brass bands are all very well in their place, outdoors and several miles
> away."
>
> - Sir Thomas Beecham
>
> "There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish
> together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between."
>
> - Sir Thomas Beecham
>
> "Madam, you have a wonderful instrument between your legs and all you can
do
> is sit there and scratch it."
>
> - Sir Thomas Beecham to a female cello player
>
> "Stand back, give half a man a chance!"
>
> - Durwood Cline
>
> When asked about his female singer, he replied, "She's good, but she ain't
> no fried chicken"
>
> - Durwood Cline
>
> Commenting on weathercasting in on the way to a gig: "It isn't so much the
> temperature that the weatherman says it is, it's how cold it is down there
> at the windshield factory"
>
> -Durwood Cline
>
> "It doesn't bother me."
>
> Informing his sideman to be on their best behavior during the job, because
> the nervous contractor was keeping an eye on them: "She's watching us like
> we are hawks!"
>
> -Durwood Cline
>
> - Eddie Condon upon first hearing be-bop
>
> "The boppers flat their fifths. We consume ours."
>
> - Eddie Condon
>
> "Ted Lewis could make the clarinet talk. What it said was 'put me back in
>
> the case!'"
>
> - Eddie Condon
>
> "Finally, Beiderbecke took out a silver cornet. He put it to his lips and
>
> blew a phrase. The sound came out like a girl saying 'yes.'"
>
> - Eddie Condon
>
> Eddie said of Smith Ballew: "He tried to carry a tune across the street
>
> and
>
> broke both his legs."
>
>
> "If you get your guitar in tune, send it to me and I'll send you mine."
>
> - Herb Ellis' ad in the "International Musician"
>
>
> "When she started to play, Steinway himself came down and rubbed his name
>
> off the piano."
>
> - Bob Hope, on comedian Phyllis Diller
>
>
> "Muzak goes in one ear, and out some other opening."
>
> - Anton Kuerti (b. 1939), Austrian-born Canadian pianist
>
>
> "One never knows, do one?"
>
> - Fats Waller
>
> "Now, everyone look like you're having fun. Only don't have any."
>
> - Lawrence Welk
>
>
> "Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn lost..."
>
> - Unknown
>
>
> * Durwood Cline was a Dallas bandleader/trombonist who gained more fame
for
> his fractured English and his unintentional maloprops than via his musical
> ability.
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<HTML>
<HEAD>
<TITLE>FW: </TITLE>
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<BODY>
<BR>
<TT><BR>
Someone suggested a thread awhile back and here are a few from Downs Brown,=
a very fine pianist in Houston. Some you've heard before, perhaps all=
, though not necessarily attributed to the same people. That cello quo=
te has been recycled through dozens of conductors.<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
Subject: musician quotes<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
> "Nine AM reminds me of Tommy Dorsey at MGM many years ago. =
The assistant<BR>
> director told Tommy that he and his band were to be in makeup at eight=
<BR>
> o'clock the next day, in order to be ready by nine. They were be=
ing<BR>
> featured in "DuBarry Was a Lady," one of MGM's top musicals,=
with Lucy and<BR>
> Red Skelton co-starring.<BR>
><BR>
> Dorsey asked the assistant, 'You mean eight o'clock in the morning?' &=
nbsp;'Of<BR>
> course,' he was told. 'Jesus Christ,' said Dorsey, 'my boys don'=
t even<BR>
> start vomiting till eleven.'"<BR>
><BR>
> - from the autobiography of Desi Arnaz<BR>
><BR>
> An old trumpet player to a young trumpet player: "The good news i=
s you've<BR>
> got a great technique. The bad news is you've got a great techni=
que."<BR>
><BR>
> - Bob Barnard<BR>
><BR>
> "All I wanted was to be big, to be in show business, and to trave=
l ... and<BR>
> that's what I've been doing all my life."<BR>
><BR>
> - Count Basie<BR>
><BR>
> Sir Thomas Beecham, a British conductor, warned his students never to<=
BR>
> glance at the trombones. "It will only encourage them,"=
; he said.<BR>
><BR>
> "Brass bands are all very well in their place, outdoors and sever=
al miles<BR>
> away."<BR>
><BR>
> - Sir Thomas Beecham<BR>
><BR>
> "There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and =
finish<BR>
> together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between=
."<BR>
><BR>
> - Sir Thomas Beecham<BR>
><BR>
> "Madam, you have a wonderful instrument between your legs and all=
you can<BR>
do<BR>
> is sit there and scratch it."<BR>
><BR>
> - Sir Thomas Beecham to a female cello player<BR>
><BR>
> "Stand back, give half a man a chance!"<BR>
><BR>
> - Durwood Cline<BR>
><BR>
> When asked about his female singer, he replied, "She's good, but =
she ain't<BR>
> no fried chicken"<BR>
><BR>
> - Durwood Cline<BR>
><BR>
> Commenting on weathercasting in on the way to a gig: "It isn't so=
much the<BR>
> temperature that the weatherman says it is, it's how cold it is down t=
here<BR>
> at the windshield factory"<BR>
><BR>
> -Durwood Cline<BR>
><BR>
> "It doesn't bother me."<BR>
><BR>
> Informing his sideman to be on their best behavior during the job, bec=
ause<BR>
> the nervous contractor was keeping an eye on them: "She's watchin=
g us like<BR>
> we are hawks!"<BR>
><BR>
> -Durwood Cline<BR>
><BR>
> - Eddie Condon upon first hearing be-bop<BR>
><BR>
> "The boppers flat their fifths. We consume ours."<BR>
><BR>
> - Eddie Condon<BR>
><BR>
> "Ted Lewis could make the clarinet talk. What it said was '=
put me back in<BR>
><BR>
> the case!'"<BR>
><BR>
> - Eddie Condon<BR>
><BR>
> "Finally, Beiderbecke took out a silver cornet. He put it t=
o his lips and<BR>
><BR>
> blew a phrase. The sound came out like a girl saying 'yes.'"=
;<BR>
><BR>
> - Eddie Condon<BR>
><BR>
> Eddie said of Smith Ballew: "He tried to carry a tune across the =
street<BR>
><BR>
> and<BR>
><BR>
> broke both his legs."<BR>
><BR>
><BR>
> "If you get your guitar in tune, send it to me and I'll send you =
mine."<BR>
><BR>
> - Herb Ellis' ad in the "International Musician"<BR>
><BR>
><BR>
> "When she started to play, Steinway himself came down and rubbed =
his name<BR>
><BR>
> off the piano."<BR>
><BR>
> - Bob Hope, on comedian Phyllis Diller<BR>
><BR>
><BR>
> "Muzak goes in one ear, and out some other opening."<BR>
><BR>
> - Anton Kuerti (b. 1939), Austrian-born Canadian pianist<BR>
><BR>
><BR>
> "One never knows, do one?"<BR>
><BR>
> - Fats Waller<BR>
><BR>
> "Now, everyone look like you're having fun. Only don't have=
any."<BR>
><BR>
> - Lawrence Welk<BR>
><BR>
><BR>
> "Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn lost=
..."<BR>
><BR>
> - Unknown<BR>
><BR>
><BR>
> * Durwood Cline was a Dallas bandleader/trombonist who gained more fam=
e<BR>
for<BR>
> his fractured English and his unintentional maloprops than via his mus=
ical<BR>
> ability.<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
</TT>
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</HTML>
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