[Dixielandjazz] Lawyers Seasonal Greetings to you (Merry Christmas)

[Jerry Gordon]

A LAWYER'S CHRISTMAS - COMPLAINT IN TRESPASS
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a
certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a
general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not
limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stockings, socks, etc., had been affixed
by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that
St. Nick a/k/a St. Nicholas a/k/a Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would
arrive at some time thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein visions of various confectionery
treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts, and/or sugar plums,
did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to
as "I"), being the joint owner in fee simple of the House with the party
of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for
a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in
various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e. the
lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, caused and/or circumstance.
The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window to
investigate the cause of such disturbance.
At the time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle")
being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately
eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact
was, the previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific directions, instructions and guidance
to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the
animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet,
Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and
belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named
"Rudolph" may have been involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the
Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown
origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission,
either expressed on implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus
entered said House via the chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with
residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a
portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He
was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant
violation of local ordinances and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the
minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other
small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said
minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and
flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where
the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus
immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the
departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of
the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to
all and to all a good night!" or words to that effect.
Respectfully Submitted,
s./ The Grinch