[Dixielandjazz] Bad Puns ....from the Far Side

[Bryan Livett]

This is hard-core corn, Bob!

Bryan
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Bob Romans" <cellblk7@attbi.com>
To: "DJML" <dixielandjazz@ml.islandnet.com>
Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 11:26 AM
Subject: [Dixielandjazz] Bad Puns ....from the Far Side


Hi DJML'ERS...and a little humor is good!!
A couple of good musical puns in here!

>From the Far Side 


1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. 

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 

4. A backwards poet writes inverse. 

5. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's 
your count 
that votes. 

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. 

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. 

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 

10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you 
A-flat 
minor. 

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully 
recovered. 

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in 
Linoleum 
Blownapart. 

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. 

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 

17. Every calendar's days are numbered. 

18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. 

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. 

20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. 

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery. 

22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison is a small 
medium at 
large. 

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in 
the end. 

24. Once you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall. 

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. 

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she 
thought.....she'd dye. 

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done. 

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of 
defeat.