[Dixielandjazz] Bad Puns ....from the Far Side

Bob Romans cellblk7@attbi.com
Mon, 12 Aug 2002 10:26:18 -0500


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Hi DJML'ERS...and a little humor is good!!
A couple of good musical puns in here!

>From the Far Side=20


1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.=20

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).=20

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.=20

4. A backwards poet writes inverse.=20

5. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's=20
your count=20
that votes.=20

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.=20

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.=20

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.=20

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.=20

10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you=20
A-flat=20
minor.=20

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.=20

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully=20
recovered.=20

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in=20
Linoleum=20
Blownapart.=20

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.=20

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.=20

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.=20

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.=20

18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.=20

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.=20

20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.=20

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.=20

22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison is a small=20
medium at=20
large.=20

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in=20
the end.=20

24. Once you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.=20

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.=20

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she=20
thought.....she'd dye.=20

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.=20

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.=20

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.=20

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of=20
defeat.=20







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<DIV>Hi DJML'ERS...and a little humor is good!!</DIV>
<DIV>A couple of&nbsp;good musical puns in here!</DIV>
<DIV><BR>From the Far Side </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><BR>1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. =
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>4. A backwards poet writes inverse. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>5. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's =
<BR>your=20
count <BR>that votes. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you =
<BR>A-flat=20
<BR>minor. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully =
<BR>recovered.=20
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in =
<BR>Linoleum=20
<BR>Blownapart. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. =
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>17. Every calendar's days are numbered. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. =
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>21. A plateau is a high form of flattery. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison is a small =
<BR>medium=20
at <BR>large. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in =
<BR>the=20
end. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>24. Once you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she=20
<BR>thought.....she'd dye. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>29. Acupuncture is a jab well done. </DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of =
<BR>defeat.=20
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV></FONT></BODY></HTML>

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