[Dixielandjazz] International All-Star Band

[Ken Mathieson]

Hi Folks,

All this talk of All-Star Bands reminds me of the long-standing game played on the bus by touring musicians. A few of the "stars" came immediately to mind, but I'm sure others can supply names I've forgotten.

There was the Irish lead trumpeter Chops O'Gonnagain and his Scottish stand-in Andy Splittit. Other notable members of the trumpet section were the alcohol-loving German, Mannheim Stoned and his Irish counterpart, Oliver Guinness. The trombones were led by the Swedish star, Bent Slide and included an unreliable Welshman called Leighton Pist. 

Lead Alto was the Israeli, Izzy Scharp and the great Canadian tenor soloist, Kenny Read. The rhythm section comprised pianist Phil Algaps, guitarist Ron Chords, French bassist Paul de Strings and (my favourite) the Welsh drummer Owen Transport.

The International All-Stars had a fantastic complement of singers: The two star girl singers were the buxom Austrian Norma Stitz and the self-obsessed Mimi Mee from France, while the two star male singers were the Englishman Willie Maykit and the South African Hugh Jeego. For special gigs they brought in the American Country music star Frank Lee Krapp, overweight Afro-American soul singer Isa Orca and the foul-mouthed Wagnerian soprano Kirsten Blindit. There were also the backing singers: the promiscuous Eileen Back and Sheila Blige, the musically-challenged Barbie Hind and Jemima Lott and the anti-social Glasgow girl Leeza Lane.

Behind the scenes the International All-Stars enjoyed the services of Agent Robin B'stard, the Jewish Contractor R U Verkin, The Israeli Cashier Manny Zinderpost, the English Roadie Rex Instruments and the Chinese Security Manager Oi U.

The band finally got its come-uppance when a concert was reviewed by the ruthless Indian critic Pandit Unmercifully.

All further contributions will be gratefully received.

Cheers,

Ken