[Dixielandjazz] "Sexcapades: Songs of Lust and Depravity"

[Steve Voce]

On 04/08/2011 02:59, Robert Ringwald wrote:
> Here's a spicy songbird compilation released last week by Universal/Fuel 2000. Quoting
>
In the same vein:
Forty or maybe even fifty years ago somebody in the Duke Ellington band  told me a joke that involved a lemon cookie, It came from Duke's tenor
player Paul Gonsalves. I asked the Ellington group if anyone could remember it.
Someone found on the internet that I had once told it on air, and  someone else discovered that there was a tape worm involved.
Now, to my amazement, someone has resurrected the whole joke. It's a remarkable exhibition of the power of the internet.

Steve Voce

A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just

moved into town.

After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope

the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. "Oh, is that bad? How can I

get rid of it?" asked the man. "Come in tomorrow and bring a hard

boiled egg and a lemon cookie," said the doctor.

When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, the doctor said, "Trust me. I'm the

doctor."

So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie.

"Drop your pants, and bend over," says the doctor. "What?"

says the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, the

man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his

rear. "Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!" screams the man. "Hold

still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute

later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come

back tomorrow with a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie," says the doctor.

As the infuriated man starts to protest the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm

the doctor."

So, the man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the

lemon cookie. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor.

"This again?" yells the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor,"

says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH!

  The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this!"

says the man. "Hold still now and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the

doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull

up your pants and come back tomorrow with

  another hard boiled egg and another

lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the man starts to shake his head the

doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."

So, this goes on all week until one day, after the man pulls up his pants, the

doctor says, "Now come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a

hammer." As the man turns pale the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the

doctor."

The man gets no sleep that night worried to death about what the hammer is

going to feel like when it gets shoved up in him. He almost stays home, but he

still feels sick. So far the treatments haven't helped and he's afraid he'll

have to start over if he goes to a new doctor.

The man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the hammer.

"Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "But, why do

we need a hammer?" asks the man nervously. "Trust me. I'm the

doctor," says the doctor. The man drops his pants and bends over.

  SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Please!" says the man,

terrified of what is to come next. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the

doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, the man is about to pass

out from terror and he is involuntarily clenching his rear as tight as he can.

Then nothing happens. Several more minutes pass and he starts to relax. The man

is about to straighten up and ask the doctor what happened when the tapeworm

sticks its head out his rear and yells, "Where's my lemon cookie?!"

And WHAM! Down comes the hammer.