[Dixielandjazz] You know you're too old to gig when . . .

[Stephen G Barbone]

You know you're too old to play gigs when:

  1. It  becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan  
than your amp.

  2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round  
of golf.

  3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.

  4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.

  5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most  
of your playlist

  6. Instead of sixth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie

  7. You often lose the directions to the gig

  8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings and your tuner.

  9. You've thrown out your back climbing on stage.

10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.

11. The waitress is your granddaughter.

12. You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.

13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.

14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your  
instrument case

15. You refuse to play without earplugs, or cotton wads in your ears.

16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.

17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.

18. Your gig stool has a back.

19. You were hep when it was hip to be hep.

20. You don't let any one sit in

21. You need a nap before the gig

22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.

23. During the breaks, you now go to the van to lay down

24. You use a music stand with a light.

25. You don't recover until two days later.

26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.....

27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool  
factor.

28. You feel guilty looking at hot women at the bar 'cause they're  
younger than your daughter.

29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location.

30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in  
7 days, and did.