[Dixielandjazz] Country & Western & Blue grass Musical Terms.

[Steve Barbone]

Given the recent CWB thread . . . here are Musical Terms Commonly Misused by
Country-Western-Bluegrass Musicians.

12 Tone Scale:  What State Police use to weigh your tractor trailer

A 440:  The highway that runs around Nashville

Aeolian Mode:  How you like Mama's cherry pie

Altos: Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes"

Arpeggio:   "That storybook kid with the big nose that grows?

Bach Chorale:  The place behind the barn where you keep the horses

Bass: The things you run around in softball

Bassoon: Typical response when asked what you hope to catch while fishin

Big Band: When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players

Bossa Nova: The car your foreman drives

Cadenza: That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when
company comes

Cello: The proper way to answer the phone

Clarinet: Name for your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo

Clef: What you try never to fall off of

Bass Clef: Where you wind up if you do fall off

Conductor: The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham

Cut Time: Parole

Cymbal: Used on deer-crossing signs so you can to sight-in your rifle

Diminished Fifth: An empty bottle of Jack Daniels

First Inversion: Grandpa's battle group at Normandy

French Horn: What your your wife says you smell like when you come home late

Major Scale: What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain: "Damn! That
was a major scale!"

Melodic Minor: Loretta Lynn's singing dad

Minor Third:   Your approximate age and grade at the completion of schooling

Perfect Fifth:   A full bottle of Jack Daniels

Perfect Pitch: The smooth coating on a freshly paved road

Pianissimo:   "Refill this beer bottle"

Portamento:   A foreign country you've always wanted to see

Quarter Tone: What most standard pickups can haul

Relative Major: Your uncle in the Marine Corps

Relative Minor: Your girlfriend

Repeat: What you do until they just expel you

Ritard: There's one in every family

Sonata: What you get from a bad cold or hay fever

Staccato: How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home

Tempo: Good choice for a used car

Time Signature: What you need from your boss if you forget to clock in

Transpositions: Men who wear dresses

Treble: Women ain't nothin' but

Tuba:   A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!"

Whole Note: What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year