[Dixielandjazz] Clarinetist Looking for Work

[Dan Augustine]

     I (of course) may also be wrong, but i have a forwarded email 
from the actual author, who says: "Wrote it half-kiddingly...Just for 
my friends who might appreciate it."

     Dan
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>From: David Richoux <tubaman at tubatoast.com>
>Date: Tue, 3 Oct 2006 15:50:15 -0700
>To: Gluetje1 at aol.com
>Cc: tradjazz at list.okom.com, dixielandjazz at ml.islandnet.com,
>	jazzmusiciansforum at JazzMusiciansForum.talklist.com
>Subject: Re: [Dixielandjazz] Clarinetist Looking for Work
>
>I am not Rick, but this message was posted before on some jazz lists 
>and I have it on high authority that he is Really, Really, Really, 
>Really, Really, Really not kidding.
>
>100% Fact!
>
>Really  ;-)
>
>(I may be wrong)
>Dave Richoux
>
>On Oct 3, 2006, at 3:31 PM, Gluetje1 at aol.com wrote:
>  > Rick, I am so naive that I have to ask if you are kidding?  Because 
>>  if  you
>>  are serious, you have stated so many things you will not accept 
>>  that you
>>  qualify for musician's disability.  Anyhow, thanks for the 
>>  exhaustive list  of
>>  things that bug someone.  Makes me less than humble about my 
>>  tolerance  level by
>>  comparison.
>>  Ginny
>>
>>  In a message dated 10/3/2006 8:59:53 A.M. Central Daylight Time,
>>  knittelsportland at juno.com writes:
>>
>>  Rick  Knittel - The Maine Street Paraders
>>  37 Ship Channel Road; South Portland,  Maine 04106-5136
>>  Bus phone; (207)-741-2407; fax 2409; Cell: (207)-233-3480;  Home;
>>  (207)-799-6382
>>  E-mail; Knittelsportland at juno.com; Winter (mid Jan  to mid April) 
>>  Office;
>>  7657 Bergamo Ave; Sarasota, FL 34238-4765;  Phone/Fax; (941)-924-5186
>>
>>  Clarinetist Looking for Work
>>
>>  16+  year's professional experience. Specializing in serious 
>>  presentations
>>  of  pre-WWII traditions of clarinet performance including New Orleans
>>  Jazz,  Brazilian Choro, and French West Indian Biguine. Large 
>>  repertoire
>>  of  jazz
>>  standards.   Reading OK, Travel OK,  Basic linguistic  skills in 
>>  French,
>>  German, and Italian.  No drugs, health problems, or  dietary 
>>  limitations.
>>  Union member in good standing.  No social,  political, or religious
>>  affiliations.   Doubles on alto or tenor  saxophone negotiable.
>>
>>
>>
>>  (I own a soprano, but in accordance with  well-established codes of
>>  gentlemanly conduct, I do not play one.)
>>  PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND to this message IF:
>>
>>  Your band, concert, or  project name uses rhyme, alliteration, puns,
>>  animal names, or includes any  of the following words or their 
>>  variants:
>>  Swingers, Strutters, Stompers,  Ramblers, Hot, Dixieland, Tribute, or
>>  Legacy.
>>  [For example: Dixie Dogs  of Des Moines, Hot Jumpin' Jazz Lizards, The
>>  Four-Skinny-Minnies Swing  Band, Down-Home-Ragtimers Tribute to Wilbur
>>  Sweatman, etc.]   The  use of All-Stars' is negotiable provided 
>>  some team
>>  sport or athletic  activity is involved;
>>  Your dress code or group's uniform includes ANY of  the following:
>>  White pants or shoes, suspenders, matching golf shirts,  matching 
>>  blazers,
>>  or any type of hats. Anything made of polyester is out of  the 
>>  question,
>>  and as a friend in the fashion industry says, 'Denim is just  never 
>>  a good
>>  idea.'
>>  I also require assurance that the performance will  not be within 
>>  50 yards
>>
>>  of a garter, striped vest, bowler hat, straw  boater, feather boa or
>>  anything with sequins;
>>  Your rhythm section  includes electric keyboard and/or bass guitar.
>>  Washboard is negotiable in  the proper context, although offhand I 
>>  have no
>>  idea what that would be;
>>  You or any of your band members have a spouse or girlfriend who  
>>  sings,
>>  purports to sing, or so much as threatens to sing;
>>  Anyone  involved in your proposed performance attempts a 'scat' vocal
>>  More than  half of the selections in a typical program consist of 
>>  vocal
>>  numbers or are  limited to the keys of Bb and F.   Gospel programs 
>>  are  an
>>  acceptable exception, but the singer better be damned brilliant;
>>  Your program includes any of the following:   note-for-note
>  > transcriptions, sing-alongs, or banjo features.   Furthermore, if 
>>  there is
>>  tuba or sousaphone their solos must be limited to  a maximum of one 
>>  per
>>  set and may never exceed two choruses;
>>  At  anytime during your performance, parasols are deployed.  
>>  Legitimate
>>  second-lines are the ONLY exception, in which case an additional  
>>  25% for
>>  strolling/marching applies;
>>  Your proposed venue spends more on  sound reinforcement or 
>>  amplification
>>  than artist fees.
>>  Compensation for  your job includes ANY of the following: All the 
>>  beer you
>>  can drink, a free  meal, good publicity or exposure, or bringing a 
>>  spouse
>>  girlfriend, or  companion for free.  hank you in advance for your
>  > consideration.  --

-- 
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**  Dan Augustine  --  Austin, Texas  --  ds.augustine at mail.utexas.edu
** "Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from
**  from the foolish their lack of understanding." -- Ambrose Bierce 
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