[Dixielandjazz] Music Stories

[Richard Broadie]

Dear DJMLers,

 I've been too busy to monitor the DJML but would like to send you
a sort of Christmas present just to let you know that I'm still thinking
of you and love you all.  Most of these stories are new to me and 
I thought I'd heard them all.  Do enjoy!  

Dick Broadie

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A jazz musician got to a gig early and the club owner said,  
"You're early! What happened?"

 The musician quickly replied, "I underslept!"

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 A very intense, self-absorbed saxophone player is sitting at  
the bar after playing all night. A beautiful woman shyly  
approaches him and says, "Excuse me, I hate to intrude, but I  
just have to tell you that I saw you play tonight. I have  
never been so deeply affected by music before. It's like it  
woke up my mind and my heart. It also woke me up as a woman.  
Your music touched me so deeply that I just want to take you  
home with me and make mad passionate love to you all night  
long."

 The saxophone player stares at her for a moment and asks,  
"Did you see the first set or the second set?"

 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 Warren Covington used to have an arrangement of "Tea for Two  
Cha-Cha" that had a carefully rehearsed break on the downbeat  
of the 15th measure, with total silence until the beginning  
of the 17th. One night, Doug Mettome found the opening  
irresistible. When the band hit the break, Doug stood up and  
shouted, "Pennsylvania six, five thousand!" The rest of the  
band did not come back in on the 17th bar, or anywhere else.  
They had all collapsed with laughter.

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 Hotel guy: OK, that completes your check in, your room is #  
124, right down the hall.

 Musician: Thanks, it's nice to have a night off and just  
relax for a change. I'll think I'll have a nice dinner, glass  
of wine, and go
 somewhere to hear someone else play for a change. Do you have  
any jazz clubs in this town?

 Hotel guy: Well we happen to have an excellent restaurant  
right here in the hotel and tonight is jazz night in our lounge.

 Musician: Wow! I wonder if I would know anyone in the band?

 Hotel guy: Well, I know the pianist's name is Oscar Peterson.

 Musician: Wow! "The" Oscar Peterson?

 Hotel guy: well, not "The" Oscar Peterson, but he happens to  
play piano and he is a local player who we think very highly of.

 Musician: Well, I'll give him a listen.

 Hotel guy: And I think the bass player's name is Ray Brown.

 Musician: Wow! "The" Ray Brown?

 Hotel guy: Well, not "THE" Ray Brown, but his name is Raymond  
Brown and he happens to also play bass.

 Musician: Well, I'll check him out.

 Hotel guy: The drummer's name is Louis Bellson.

 Musician: Wow!.......... (you know the drill by now)

 Hotel guy: and the horn player is Kenny G.

 Musician: WOW, "THE" Kenny G?

 Hotel guy: I'm afraid so !

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 A vocalist hired a piano player to accompany her at an  
audition for a night-club job. After listening to a couple of  
songs, the owner said, "Can you sing 'When Sonny Gets Blue?"  
It's my favorite song. If you can sing it, you're hired." The  
singer whispered to the piano player, "I don't know it all  
the way through." The piano player said, "I know it. Go ahead  
and start, and I'll prompt you." Reluctantly, she began:  
"When Sonny Gets Blue . . ." She looked at the piano player  
for help. He whispered confidently, "B-flat minor ninth."

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 One night, a front man said to the drummer, "When the band  
starts to swing, I want you to play more on the ride cymbal."  
The drummer replied, "When the band starts to swing, will you  
please raise your hand?"

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 A female vocalist goes for an audition for a show. When it's  
her turn, she calls "I'll Remember April" in D-flat.

 "D-Flat?" the piano player exclaims.

 Taken aback, she replies "Yes, D-flat. Is that too fast?"

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 A band at a Mafia wedding decided to take requests. Nunzio  
walks up and asks "Uh, do youse guys know da song "Strangers  
in da Night"?

 The band leader says, "Sure we know that one."

 Nunzio says "Hey! dat's great! But I got just one favor -  
could youse play it in 5/4 time?"

 "Isn't it played in 4/4 time?" the band leader asked.

 "Yeah, but dis here's a special occasion, know whut I mean?"

 The band discusses amongst themselves, till the leader turns  
and says "I don't think we'll have any problems."

 Nunzio turns and yells out "Hey Uncle Vinnie! C'mon up here  
and sing!"

 Uncle Vinnie walks up to the mike as the band begins the  
intro, and then starts to sing... "Strangers in da fxxkin'  
night..."