[Dixielandjazz] Controversy

[Jeanne Brei]

    I really hope this posts (I've tried to send in posts before that never 
posted) because I would like to say that I understand all sides of this 
controversy (that successful fellows like Mike Vax didn't appreciate being 
"told" how to do things in the music business versus the very nature of 
Steve and Tom wanting to share all that they've learned about how to have a 
successful band in the music business -- and I wish that those like Len and 
Mike who don't like Steve and Tom's posts would just delete them without 
reading them (hence sparing their blood pressure) while the rest of us who 
LOVE the fact that Steve regularly posts the New York Times articles that 
we'd never see otherwise or Tom's Craig's Lists postings and who learn QUITE 
A BIT from their posts (I very much enjoy all of Steve and Tom's posts) 
could continue to read them. I'm sorry to see both of them go and hope that 
they will reconsider -- and, if not, I hope they'll put together an E-Mail 
List of folks who do enjoy seeing their posts and email us directly with 
their frequent insights and postings.
Jeanne Brei
Tin Pan Alley Cat Entertainment
Las Vegas, NV

P.S. Here's a joke that Nelson Sardelli sent around that I tried to post a 
month ago and it never appeared:

The Lord's Band


"Noah, awaken and heed my words!"

And Noah didst tremble, saying, "Lord, why hath thou wakened me?"

And the Lord did say, "Noah, build me a jazz band. For the earth will be 
visited by a plague of Brides, followed by forty days of Trade Shows and 
forty nights of Awards Banquets followed by Rock & Roll and Country/Western 
Music. They will all be jazz oblivious. This pleaseth me not and so we must 
invent jazz."

And Noah didst say, "Command me Lord."

And the Lord didst say, "First, thou must find me a leader."

And Noah replied, "But Lord, will I not be thy leader?"

And the Lord sayeth; "Fool, thou will be my contractor. Ask not why!"

And Noah didst bow his head, saying, "Yes my Lord. And what instrument will 
the leader play?"

And the lord said, "It matters little whether he play or not, or whether he 
be proficient or not. For his job shall primarily be to schmooze, and to 
deal with clients, and to count the tempos wrong, and to inquire as to 
whether overtime will happen, and to try to segue tunes that should not be 
segued. If he playeth any instrument, thou must always have another player 
of that instrument in the band just to be safe."

And Noah didst say, "And what else shall this leader do?"

And the Lord replied, "It shall be his job to spread bad information and 
confusion amongst the sidemen and to pit them one against the other, and to 
delay all payments. Further shall it be his job, until we can afford a 
soundman, to create feedback, and to invent new equalization."

And Noah didst shake his head in wonder, saying, "Lord, thy ways are strange 
and mysterious. What more shall I do?"

And the Lord said, "Next, find me a Rhythm Section. First, find me a 
drummer. And three things above all must this drummer possess. First, this 
drummer must have slightly imperfect time, so that whenever he playeth a 
fill (and he shall play many),
he always emergeth at a different place, but thou may not guess which, nor 
where 'one' now is. And second, he must be supremely discontent, always 
hoping for the Big Break which will lead him to playing with Wedding Bands 
or for other high paying gigs, so that he secretly despiseth jazz. And 
third, he must always be convinced of his righteousness, in all things, 
including time, volume, tempo and feel, so that he argueth always with the 
leader and the bass player."

And Noah didst say, "Bass player?"

And the Lord didst say, "Yes, Bass player. He shall be bored. That is All."

And Noah didst say, "Of course. And next, my Lord?"

And the Lord did say, "Next shall be the Keyboard Player. And he shall play 
as if he has twenty fingers, and he shall play substitute upon substitute, 
until no man may name the chord, and he will not be helpful. Furthermore, he 
shall always be late. And he shall always be trying out new gear of which he 
has no knowledge."

And Noah didst wonder aloud, "Lord, Great is thy wisdom!"

And the Lord didst wisely continue, "Next shall be the Guitar Player and he 
shall be loud, and he shall sing off key. Also shall he know not The Page, 
and so shall rely upon his ears, which have been damaged by exposure to high 
sound pressure levels. For guitar players who read shall already being 
playing shows, and will be making the big shekels. And his uniform shall be 
the rattiest."

And the Lord didst say, "Next thou shall need Horns. First shall be 
Saxophones and Clarinets. And they shall either be Beboppers who play Bird 
quotes in every song, yea, even the ballad medley, or copiers of Johnny 
Dodds and Sidney Bechet. They shall get drunk and high on every break, chase 
but never catch women, and make long faces all night long, but especially 
when "Bill Bailey" is called."

"Next, shall be the Trumpeters. And they shall every one attempt to take 
everything up an octave, and fail frequently. And of changes they shall know 
nothing. And finally shall be the Trombone Player. And many jokes will be 
made about him, for he will have a beeper that never beeps, as well as a day 
job, and he will be the first! to be cut from the band."

And Noah, taking many notes, didst say, "Mighty is the Lord!"

"Next, shall be the String Player. He will attach pickups to his violin that 
is more ancient even than myself, so that the instrument screecheth and 
causeth great pain. His job shall be to dress in foppish clothing with hair 
in a pony tail, to fake parts, and to complain about the volume and the 
intonation, and to impede the swing."

And Noah didst say, "What can be left, Lord?"

And the Lord didst say, Finally, find me the singers. And they shall be two, 
one male and one female. And the male shall be a strutting peacock, with 
girlie man hair, and he shall never have to wear the tuxedo, and also shall 
play the harmonica. The female shall ALWAYS sing the power ballads, and the 
novelty songs. She shall sing backup ! for the male, and forget the words, 
and be late, and know nothing of keys or form. And together, they shall 
leave every gig immediately, having never touched a piece of equipment. And 
they shall be paid more shekels than the sidemen. Ask not why.

And the Lord continued: "Together they shall be melded into a dissonant band 
that plays mysterious polyrhythmic music
called Jazz. It shall grow to immense proportions in New Orleans amongst 
sinners, whorehouses and honky tonks several millennia from now. But fear 
not within a 100 years from birth, it shall be played in Churches and other 
places of high learning. And it shall be called art. Go figureth."

And the lord didst command him, "Search high and low for these, as not every 
musician can fulfill these requirements. And though we have no work yet, a 
commitment must be secured from all. And while you! 're at it, start looking 
for subs."

And Noah didst say, "Lord, thy will be done."


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Steve barbone" <barbonestreet at earthlink.net>
To: "DJML" <dixielandjazz at ml.islandnet.com>
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 4:03 PM
Subject: [Dixielandjazz] Controversy


>I have decided to end the controversy.
>
> To those who dislike me, that is YOUR problem.
>
> To those have learned from my posts, I regret that I will no longer be of
> any help unless you write me direct. The detractors, small minds and their
> ilk on the list make it no longer worth my time.
>
> Don't let the bastards get you down.
>
> Unsubscribing right after this post.
>
>
> Cheers,
> Steve
>
>
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