[Dixielandjazz] Satchmo-lestation

[dhs at ev1.net]

Dear Listers:

Normally I keep out of the Kenney G bashing, regarding him simply as a
talented pop star who takes advantage of the fact that most people don't
know what real jazz is.  However, I found the article below interesting, and
perhaps so will you.  It is a bit long.  If you would like to read it
another time, the URL is Jewsrock.org : Words : Satchmo-lestation

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Satchmo-lestation
by Izzy Grinspan

    The reasons to be embarrassed that Kenny G is Jewish aren't quite what
you think they are.  Forget the sentimental nature of his sax playing, which
does a great job of making old people happy at weddings.  Ignore the geeky
waterfall of curls, a look that was actually very cute on my bunkmate Debbie
Cohen back at Camp Timber Tops.  No, what makes Kenny G bad for the Jews isn
't his obvious lack of cool-it's his lack of shame.  Of course, plenty of
other musicians have fudged a little on their way to selling records, but
none except Kenny G behaved so cravenly that veteran jazz guitarist Pat
Metheny threatened to kick his ass.

    That threat was prompted by G's version of "What a Wonderful World."
Yes, that "What a Wonderful World"-the one made popular by Louis Armstrong.
First released in 1967, the song reached number one in the United Kingdom
the following year.  It resurfaced as a U.S. hit in the 80s when it made a
memorable appearance on the soundtrack to Good Morning, Vietnam.

     "What a Wonderful World" is a euphoric little number, a leisurely
stroll through some very simple reasons to be happy. The lyrics, by Bob
Thiele and George David Weiss, are so basic that they're nearly clichés:
"trees of green" and "skies of blue," the way "how do you do" means "I love
you"-even the rhymes are simplistic.  But when Satchmo sings them, in his
unhurried, gravelly way, you know he means every word.

    Kenny G apparently thought so too, which is why he appropriated the
entire vocal track for his 1999 album Classics in the Key of G.  On that
record, his eleventh for Arista, the man born Kenny Gorelick treacled his
way through such standards as "The Look of Love" and "Girl from Ipanema."
The latter featured Bebel Gilberto, so "What a Wonderful World" wasn't the
only track for which Kenny G needed outside help-but Gilberto was consulted
on the use of her voice. Armstrong had no choice, since he'd been dead for
years. The version of "Wonderful World" on Key of G is basically the sound
of a genius forced into a posthumous duet with a bozo.

    Perhaps somebody should have explained to Kenny G that Satchmo got it
right the first time, or that it'd be tasteless to splice a giant of the
genre into the same tune as a hack. Nobody did. So the job of spluttering
outrage fell to Pat Methany. And that guy can splutter.

    Few feuds have ever been quite as mismatched as Metheny vs. G.  Pat
Metheny is a well-respected guitarist, the winner of 15 Grammies.  He's
played with Ornette Coleman, Herbie Hancock, and David Bowie. For years,
jazz musicians had been grumbling about Kenny G: His music, they complained,
was cloying and predictable, his melodies obvious and banal.  Moreover, his
total lack of improvisation caused some to wonder if what he did even
counted as jazz. Going up against Metheny, he didn't stand a chance.

    The beat-down started, as so many of these things do, on a Polish
television show for children.  Explaining to the kids why some people don't
like jazz, Metheny cited Kenny G, adding, "I mean, there's nothing more
stupid than that. Let's face it, that's the dumbest music there could ever
possibly be in the history of human beings."

    He was just getting warmed up. After the video clip began circulating
around the Internet, a fan wrote in to Metheny's website asking him to
elaborate.  The veteran guitarist responded by posting a furious,
foul-mouthed essay.

    Among other things, Methany accused G of "[defiling] the music of the
man who is probably the greatest jazz musician that has ever lived by
spewing his lame-ass, jive, pseudo bluesy, out-of-tune, noodling, wimped
out, fucked up playing all over one of the great Louis's tracks" and
"[shitting] all over the graves" of hardworking jazz musicians.  He
concluded by stating that Kenny G had brought our culture to a new low, then
he threatened to wrap his guitar around Gorelick's curly-locked head if he
ever happened to run into him.

    Kenny G didn't even try to respond, despite the further provocation of
crazed Metheny fans posting obscene rants on his official website. And, as
there are no recorded incidences of Methany assaulting anyone with his
Fender, it's safe to assume that he never made good on his threats.  The
verbal chiding he gave Gorelick, however, will go down in the annals of jazz
as the most famous nonmusical riff of all time.

    At least the story ends on a somewhat happy note: Kenny G donated all
proceeds from his "Wonderful" to a foundation supplying arts funding for
at-risk kids.  Which is nice, of course. But it merely suggests that the man
had enough sense to forgo the profits of a calamity of his own making.