[Dixielandjazz] Fw: [Trombone-l] You Might Be Too Old to Gig, If ...

[Stan Brager]

Some members of the DJML might be able to relate to the following list:

Stan
Stan Brager
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>
> You Might Be Too Old to Gig, If ...
>
>
> -- Before each gig, you find yourself warming up more parts of your body
> than you use to play your instrument .
>
> -- It becomes more important to find a place onstage for your box fan,
> than your amp.
>
> -- During the second set, you scream for the drummer to please stop
> hitting those annoying cymbals.
>
> -- You refuse to play out of tune.
>
> -- Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round a
golf.
>
> -- Your fans have left by 10:30 p.m.
>
> -- All you want from groupies is a foot massage.
>
> -- You love shopping the dollar store because you can sing along to most
> of your playlist.
>
> -- You hire band members for their values instead of their talent.
>
> -- Instead of a fifth piece, your band wants to spring for a roadie with
> the extra money.
>
> -- You've lost the directions to the gig.
>
> -- Prepping for the gig involves plucking hair from your chin or nose.
>
> -- Most of the hair you've plucked from your chin or nose is gray.
>
> -- You need your glasses to see your amp settings.
>
> -- You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
>
> -- You're thrilled to have New Year's Eve off.
>
> -- The waitress is your daughter.
>
> -- You stop the set because your bottle of Ibuprofen fell behind the
> speakers.
>
> -- Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
>
> -- You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.
>
> -- You no longer use a tip jar.
>
> -- You refuse to play without earplugs.
>
> -- You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 p.m. instead of 9:30
> p.m.
>
> -- You want an opening act.
>
> -- You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
>
> -- High notes make you cough.
>
> -- Your gig stool has a back.
>
> -- You're related to at least one other member of the band.
>
> -- You need a nap before the gig.
>
> -- You don't let anyone "sit in."
>
> -- After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
>
> -- During the breaks, you now go to your van to lay down.
>
> -- You prefer a music stand with a light.
>
> -- You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.
>
> -- You can't operate without a set list.
>
> -- You say you double on bass.
>
> -- You discourage playing longer than contracted.
>
> -- You have a contract.
>
> -- You know all the words to "Aqualung."
>