[Dixielandjazz] Washboards???Best use of :))

[tcashwigg at aol.com]

 A continuing conversation . . .

  Well mates, being an entrepreneur of things musical, I have discovered 
a major problem and of course now the solution to it.

  It has come to my attention over the past ten years or so that there 
is a very big problem of long lines at the Porta Potties at all the 
outdoor OKOM festivals, the ladies tend to take far too much 
unnecessary time in them, though I have no idea why since I have never 
seen one with a mirror. :)) This problem causes long lines in the heat 
of the day and the cold of the night which has been know top cause some 
heavy beers drinkers to resort to unsanitary solutions in the 
surrounding area which often results in dead shrubbery and trees and 
rather annoying smells emanating from decorative water fountains.


  Now my solution to this growing problem is actually quite simple and I 
did not invent it, Musak did a long time ago for the problem they 
discovered with needing to clear elevators quickly after some clod had 
passed gas on the way to the second floor when  everyone else was 
headed much farther up the shaft.  They piped in Musak elevator music 
which was so bad it causes folks to get off at the next floor stop and 
walk up the  stairs.  This in itself is not a bad thing however, since 
it also forces folks to exercise and has been known to eliminate heart 
attacks, although in some rare cases it has been known to cause one, 
but that's another story.

Now I am offering a new service to pipe in Washboard bands and Banjo 
music exclusively into all porta potties at all outdoor events which 
should cause the problem to be "quickly eliminated in more ways than 
one" reduce the hang time in the porta potties and realize a much 
faster turn over of users and increased Beer sales will be a side 
benefit form this solution since folks will have more time to drink if 
they are not standing in long lines to relieve all that pressure.

I am also working on another solution to increase the profits from the 
Beer sales at the festivals, by hooking a filtered Hose line from the 
Porta Pottie directly back to the Beer Kegs and a new marketing 
campaign for selling recycled Beer rather than just the damned cans and 
bottles.   NOw I know this will sound icky to some of ya'll but think 
about it a minute or two, especially you Festival Promoters with 
non-profit organizations, you can start to realize a PROFIT very 
quickly by going this route.

For additional revenues I suggest charging .50 to use the porta pottie, 
and a quarter  to make change for them at the table next to them.  And 
hey why not charge 'em for wiping paper too, some will buy it and some 
won't and just choose to rough it or tear sheets out of their souvenir 
festival programs and have to buy another one to find their next stage 
and favorite band performance.   Make sure the door only accepts .50 
cent pieces so they have to buy change every time.  Nobody has .50 cent 
pieces anymore nor do they have a slot for $2.00 bills.   I intend to 
fix that problem as well and bring those wonderful inventions back to 
their esteemed level of prominence in our society as well.   Use what 
you got we don't need nothing new.


 Now this makes cents now don't it.

Cheers,

Tom "Always Thinkin" Wiggins






 Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
 A. A drummer

 Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with Drummers?
 A. A washboard Player

 Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with washboard players?

 A. A person with good taste and refinement - schooled in the finer
  things in life and appreciative of the artistic creativity personified 
by the
  majestic figure of the washboard player engaged in his never ending 
pursuit of
  truth and beauty . . . Thanks to the spark of divinity that lies 
within the
  soul of the true artist that he may lead us out of the wilderness and 
into
 the realm of pure beauty!

 And fancies "a bit of rough" -- VBG ;-)
 Andy Ling