[Dixielandjazz] "Dear Band Leader", oldie but goody!

[Bryan Livett]

Dear Band Leader:

We look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding. If you don't
mind, we would like to request a few of our favorite songs. Please play
these during the reception:

A Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange it for full
ensemble in the key of B but nothing in 4/4 please.

Mahavishnu Orchestra, "Dance of the Maya" and please have the guitarist play
John McLaughlin's solo from the live performance Nov. 16, 1972 at Chrysler
Arena. My wife and I were at that show and we liked his use of polyrhythms.

One of John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. Our guests love high
register tenor saxes.

We thought a little Stravinsky right after the toast would be nice. So
please play "The Rite of Spring." We like a tempo of about 1/4 note = 93 and
transpose it down 3 half-steps - it will be so much more appropriate for
this occasion in the slightly lower register.

Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please play Frank Zappa's "The Grand
Wazoo." The original key of B flat, would be fine but my cousin Jeannie
would like to sing the baritone sax solo in the key of D - she has kind of a
high voice.

When my new son-in-law takes off the garter, please just a little of
Varese's "Ionization." It's such a funny piece, we think it would go over
real well. Much better than "The Stripper."

And for the bride & groom's first dance, please slow things down a bit by
doing Barber's "Adagio For Strings." It's so much better than "We've Only
Just Begun" or the "Anniversary Waltz."

When my wife and I join in the first dance, could you segue to Thelonius
Monk's "Ruby, My Dear" - it's in honor of my wife's grandmother whose name
was Ruby. It would mean so much to the family.

Thanks for all your help. Depending on the outcome we'll certainly be happy
to recommend your band to our friends.

We'll have your check for the fee of $250 (minus our expenses in contacting
you of $12.50) by the end of next month: we're a little short as the young
lady doing the balloon arch wanted her $1,850 in advance and the DJ had to
be paid up front his $2,500 as normal. Our daughter assured us that your
love of music was greater than your need for money, and that you would
welcome the exposure you would get from playing this wedding.

Before you leave, please feel free to ask the caterer for a snack sandwich
and a soda (the bottles are returnable or you can pay the deposit to the
butler).

Please use the back entrance to avoid "disturbing the guests."