[Dixielandjazz] Fw: The DisneyWorld Gig......................

[Rick Knittel]

Rick Knittel - JAZZBONE
37 Ship Channel Road; South Portland, Maine 04106-5136
Bus. Phone; (207)-741-2407; fax 2409; Cell: (207)-233-3480; 
Home; (207)-799-6382; E-mail; Knittelsportland at juno.com


This is a letter forwarded to a lot of Musicians lately,  so if you've
seen it before I'm sorry.  To me, it's a classic work of art, belonging
in the 'Great Book of Music Performance", by territory musicians.   This
poor guy has an act and all the equipment and takes care of everything
and has to put up, in most cases, with young American "jazz musicians"
who think they are too good to play a club date or take an out-of-towner
with some guy trying to make a living, and who gets mostly
attitude.....READ ON:

re: About the Disneyworld Gig 
Dear Band, 
Please allow me to express my innermost feelings. Know this is meant to
be 
interpreted as a good natured rant from a flawed human being who wants to

gently make a point to the ones he loves.   
I am facing a 13+ hour drive by myself pulling a trailer for the next two
days. 
On the way I will eat all meals by myself and stay in some shitty hotel 
worrying at all times about the security of our equipment and luggage. 
Once I arrive in Orlando, I will have to move the trailer early every
morning. 
I will be super nice to EVERYONE, funny all the time, do 4-30 minute sets
of 
music for 1000+ people but not repeat any song we played for them three 
months ago. 
I will pray that 4 people (you guys) don't oversleep or have a problem
with 
your flight on Friday. I will pick you up at the airport and get your
room key 
for you.  I make sure you are fed, prepared for the Sunday show, dressed 
properly, and aware of show times. 
I will grin and bear the bad sound system, the amateur choir, and any
last 
minute changes the client has. I will do all of this in well pressed,
coordinated, 
stylishly conservative clothing.(If you have ever cared anything about
me, read on.) 
But, this is one of two well paying gigs I have this month and the first
one 
I've had in a few weeks. AND, I didn't pick the music for the Sunday
thing. 
SO, (finally, the fucking point) anything you can do to make this easier
for 
me will be appreciated. Including, and especially, keeping all sarcastic
and 
passive aggressive remarks about the Sunday thing to yourself. 
I didn't pick the music but the wife of the guy with the fucking check
did. 
I and the world know you are too good to do this shitty music. 
Your refined ear makes it difficult for you to learn and rehearse these
songs. 
I know it eases your pain (but increases mine) for you to approach the 
undertaking halfheartedly. 
I've been lifting weights all summer and I can tell you, it's a lot
harder to 
pick that heavy shit up when you don't really want to pick it up. 
It's EASIER to have, sorry to sound corny, a positive attitude. I also
know 
that you are enduring some cruel cosmic joke that causes you to labor in 
obscurity playing in hack cover bands at Amway conventions while others 
with half your talent are stars. I feel your pain. 
BUT, it's one thing to be a great musician in a cover band. It's another 
thing to be a great musician in a cover band but with a shitty attitude. 
Remember, no driving, you're getting paid, your own room, out of town for
the 
weekend, hanging on the Disney property, and, 4-30 minute sets over a
three 
day period. 
One more thing. 
I know it's funny to you to make fun of this gig and the crappy Sunday 
morning songs. It is your way of saying, "I'm too good to do this." 
Leave the funny shit to me. I'm funnier than you will ever be, so don't
even 
try. Just shut the fuck up, wear the clothes, do the gig, and get your
check. 
You can never be as funny as me unless you go back in time and are raised
by 
a paranoid schizophrenic with bi-polar disorder in rural fucking white
trash 
Alabama with a job picking up trash on construction sights, brown paper
sacks 
that sweaty fucking hillbillies have shit in. 
Then, you can spend the weekend at your Uncle's pool with your molesting 
cousin and half wit brother who beats the fuck out of you whenever no one
is 
looking. 
After that, you can go back to your nasty house where the dogs and cats
have 
shit all over the place and practice guitar even though no one in your
family 
plays and you have no reason to believe that you can. 
THEN, after 20 years of struggle, you can support your whole family and
spend 
your free time wiping your Mom's puke from your porch and bathroom. 
Then, you can go to 13 different fucking therapists, every twelve step
program 
known to man and be baptized twice. 
THEN you can spend your adult life being known as Fat Elvis. 
Then, after all that you can fly a guy to Disneyworld, carry him around,
feed 
him, and pay him $550.00 to complain about learning some songs. THEN, 
THEN,  you will be as funny as me and you can make humorous remarks for 
everyone to enjoy about the Sunday show. 
In short, every day I don't kill myself or someone else is a Goddamn
miracle. 
I'm glad to have this gig and I'm glad to be going out of town and I'm 
thankful to have you as a friend and colleague. I'm a sensitive person
who wants 
to please everyone around me and it makes me feel bad when you seem to be

bugged by what I ask you to do. 
Please shut the fuck up, wear the clothes, play the songs, and don't make
me 
feel any worse about my life and what I ask you to do than I already do.
We 
have a lot to be thankful for. There are a lot of incredible players in
Nashville 
who are working construction...I have their fucking phone numbers. I love

you guys, see you in Florida