[Dixielandjazz] Fw: tips for sidemen

robert craven bcraven24 at attbi.com
Fri Mar 7 12:05:05 PST 2003

----- Original Message ----- 
From: frank 
To: stadler, frank (aol) 
Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2003 6:52 PM
Subject: tips for sidemen

Tips for Sidemen:

· Never recommend anyone who plays better than you.
· Always suck up. (Leaders, bartenders, bride and/or groom, management, etc.)
· If you don't know it, play harmony.
· Double book, then choose.
· Always assume the leader knows nothing.
· Always degrade types of music you can't play or know nothing about.
· Always bring your own business cards and solicit during breaks.
· Never play requests (especially if you know it).
· Never smile.
· Always complain.
· Save all high notes for warming up before and after engagement.
· Never show up sooner than 30 seconds before an engagement.  (One minute if you have equipment to set up.)
· Never leave a book in order.  Whenever possible, write on music in ink.
· Always play Trane or Parker licks during fox trots, tangos, waltzes, or anything in D minor.
· Always open spit valves over music.
· If the leader is not sure of a tune, always use substitute changes over his vocals or solos.
· Always worship dead jazz greats.
· Be negative about anything connected with the job.
· Always bring drinks back to the band stand.
· When a break is over, always disappear.  If this is not possible, make a phone call.
· If you're backing up an act, talk when not playing.  If it's a comic, don't laugh.
· Always bum a ride.
· Always wait until someone else is buying before you get thirsty.
· Never bring your own cigarettes to an engagement.
· Avoid tipping at all cost (waitresses, coat room, valet, etc.).
· Always ask, "When does the band eat", or "Where's our table"?
· Remember, it's not your gig.  Mingle with guests and enjoy yourself.

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