[Dixielandjazz] BASS PLAYER INFRACTIONS...........

[Charlie Hooks]

The following list was sent to me by Joe Levinson, a Chicago bassist who
says that has committed some of them but won't say which ones.  This list
contains some old infractions, but lots more new ones.

Charlie



         MUSICAL OFFENSES - BASS

[ ] Playing loudly during warm up - $10
[ ] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping - $25
[ ] Loud cursing after mistake - $10
[ ] Playing high and fast after mistake - $20
[ ] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes - $20
[ ] Asking for "E" tuning note - $25
[ ] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb - $50
[ ] Playing written-out walking line - $50
[ ] Failure to play written walking line - $75
[ ] Writing note names over ledger-line notes - $50
[ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures - $50
[ ] Playing eighth notes - $5 each
[ ] Playing sixteenth notes - $10 each
[ ] Playing above 1st octave - immediate dismissal
[ ] Dragging fast tempo - $7
[ ] Dragging ballad tempo - $100
[ ] Blacking out during ballad - $200
[ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo - $100
[ ] Following drummer's tempo - $250
[ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for "All Of Me" - $1000

UPRIGHT PLAYERS 

[ ] Showing up before first downbeat - $25
[ ] Playing audibly - $25
[ ] Faking changes - $25
[ ] Slapping - $150
[ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass - $25
[ ] Excessive sweating - $25

[ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo - $50
[ ] Asking leader for a solo - $30
[ ] Accepting solo when offered - $50
[ ] Taking second chorus - $100
[ ] Playing solo arco - $400
[ ] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune - $100
[ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune - $200
[ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune - $500

ELECTRIC PLAYERS 

[ ] Checking hair between tunes - $15
[ ] Experimenting with odd meters - $25
[ ] Missing root at end of blistering fill - $25
[ ] Playing with a pick - $50
[ ] Tuning during ballad - $30
[ ] Playing Jaco groove on samba - $75
[ ] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad - $150
[ ] Attempting last word on final chord - $50
[ ] Achieving last word on final chord - $100
[ ] Long gliss down to final note - $200

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC

[ ] Forgetting strap - $10
[ ] Changing strings after every set - $15
[ ] Using electric tuner - $15
[ ] Setting up mic "just in case" - $75

[ ] Forgetting to turn amp on - $40
[ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip - $50
[ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp - $25
[ ] Bringing custom-made bass - $100 per string above 4
[ ] Bringing more than 1 bass - $100 per extra bass
[ ] Skull decals on bass - $150
[ ] Bringing fretless bass - $500

CRIMINAL BAD TASTE 

[ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get - $10
[ ] Asking bone player about their day gig - $10
[ ] Sitting behind drums on break - $10
[ ] Quoting "Birdland" - $25
[ ] Practicing scales during break - $25
[ ] Practicing scales during drum solo - $50
[ ] Practicing - $150
[ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." - $50
[ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are
"into 
sequencing" - $100 

BASS-IC STUPIDITY 

[ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt - $10
[ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt - $20
[ ] Asking when the rock set starts - $20
[ ] Continually asking "where are we?" - $25
[ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" - $25
[ ] Asking bone player where "1" is - $50
[ ] Taking cell phone call during 4's - $100


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  'We sleep safe in our beds because rough men stand ready
  in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm.'
                               --- George Orwell ---