Bill Gunter jazzboard at hotmail.com
Thu Apr 10 01:23:35 PDT 2003

Hi listmates,

Steve Barbone sent along some rules for dixieland players from his reed 
playing friend, Hennig Hoehne

I thought about the issue of practical rules for OKOM players and came up 
with the following:

Rules for jazz musicians -

1. Always have at least one scotch (three fingers) prior to a gig. It 
loosens you up and keeps you from being too anxious while performing.

2. Remember, the order of solos always begins with the clarinet.

3. If the leader holds up two fingers it means:

   A. I have to go to the bathroom to pee
   B. I’ll have a second scotch
   C. We’re changing key to either  Bb or D
   D. Play the second ending
   E. Go to the verse
   F. All of the above

4. Quotations are good as long as you can remember what tune you’re actually 

5. Never play two tunes in a row in the same key.

6. It’s perfectly ok to play two tunes in a row in the same key.

7. Only country musicians play in the sharp keys. Jazz players stick to the 

8. The key of F is the exception to the previous rule and is perfectly 
acceptable in either country or jazz (but no other keys).

9. If you make a mistake, repeat it on the second eight and after the bridge 
. . . everyone will think you’re making a “statement.”

10. If you make a mistake in the bridge, tough noogies.

11. It used to be ok to go out in the alley between sets to share a quick 
joint. We don’t really do that anymore.

12. Take your solo only at the proper time. It’s bad form to solo over 
everyone elses solo (expecially if you’re a soprano sax player).

13. If you have to leave the bandstand for an emergency be sure to wash your 
hands before returning.

14. The correct count off is always “One,      Two,      One-two-three-four”

15. Unless you’re playing a waltz

16. If you’re playing “Do You Know What It Means To Miss New Orleans” resist 
the temptation to take it real slow and give everyone including the banjo 
and piano player a full solo.

17. Louis impressions could be cause for immediate expulsion from the band. 
If you add a big “Oohhhhhh Yeeaaaaahhhhhh” at the end you should just be 
taken out and shot.

18. If the set is over and another band is coming on, get the hell out of 
the way.

19. If a leader calls for a band uniform wear the damn uniform!

20. Drunkenness on the stand is a no no, but so is total sobriety. Strive 
for a happy medium.

Respectfully submitted,

Bill “twenty rules” Gunter
jazzboard at hotmail.com

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