[Dixielandjazz] In the beginning was the Bass

[Charlie Hooks]

>
><< Taken from the dressing room wall at the Osaka Blue Note
>
>
>Beyond the Bass Clef
>
>
>In the beginning there was a bass. It was a fender, probably a Precision,
>but
>it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old.
>definitely
>pre-C.B.S.
>
>
>And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was
>very
>good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though man would later
>try). And so he let it be and he created a man to play the bass.
>
>
>And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst' red,
>and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang through
>the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to
>be.) And it was good. And God heard that it was good and he smiled at his
>handiwork.
>
>
>Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo it
>was
>funky.
>
>
>And God heard this funkiness and he said, "Go man, go." And it was good.
>
>
>And more time passed, and , having little else to do, the man came to
>practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set
>of
>chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a
>breeze through the heavens.
>
>
>And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which he
>had
>created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture,
>which he hadn't created yet, and he was not so pleased.
>
>
>And he spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!"
>
>
>Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new
>ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the
>heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some
>of
>the angels started to dance, but that's another story.)
>
>
>And God heard this - how could he miss it - and lo he became bugged. And he
>spoke to the man, and he said, "listen man, if I wanted Jimmy Hendrix, I
>would have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."
>
>
>And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But
>now
>he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the frets
>off the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon
>the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon the neck. And, in his
>excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a
>frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked
>with the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled.
>
>
>Now God's wrath was great. And his voice was thunder as he spoke to the man.
>
>
>And he said, "OK for you, pal. You have not heeded my word. Lo, I shall
>create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even think
>of."
>
>
>"And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall
>play
>so many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you always stand next
>to the drummer."
>
>
>"You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to
>make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other
>instruments, and lo, they shall be able to play higher and faster than the
>bass."
>
>
>"And for all the days of man, your course shall be this; that all the other
>musicians shall look st you, the bass player, for the low notes.
>
>
>And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow"
>but
>really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your
>solo
>career, and find other bass players for their bands. And for all your days
>if
>you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a
>thief in the night."
>
>
>"And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the
>bandstand
>and go to the bar for a drink."
>
>
>And it was so.
>