[Dixielandjazz] OT (except for a cameo appearance by Kenny G ;-)

[David Richoux]

>
Don't know where this came from first but it was on a radio group 
list...

Dave Richoux


> > For Immediate Release
> > CLEAR CHANNEL ENTERTAINMENT PURCHASES CHRISTMAS AND HANUKKAH - WILL 
> MERGE
> > THE HOLIDAYS
> >
> > In spite of a recent statements regarding the end of a massive 
> acquisition
> > phase, Clear Channel Entertainment announced today at a press 
> conference
> > that they have acquired both Christmas and Hanukkah in a massive 
> stock swap
> > and will merge the two holidays. An industry source said that the 
> deal had
> > been in the works about 1300 years but had been kept quiet until 
> today.
> >
> > While details were not available at press time, it is believed that 
> the
> > overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of 
> Hanukkah
> > was becoming prohibitive. Clear Channel executives felt that this new
> > consolidation could result in significant cost savings and profit
> > opportunities for the company and offer a substantial benefit to it's
> > worldwide customer base.
> >
> > A Clear Channel press release stated that "the world will now be 
> able to
> > enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of
> > Chrismukah", as the new holiday is being called.
> > Executives also stated that the new combined holiday offered a 
> bounty of new
> > synergistic opportunities for both current and future clients of it's
> > sponsorship division. A spokesman stated "Could it be any more 
> obvious?
> > There have to be enormous dollars available for a title sponsorship 
> for
> > Chrismukah".
> >
> > As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the 
> dreidel,
> > currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming 
> unintelligible
> > to a wider audience. Two of the dreidel faces will become available 
> for
> > sponsor messages and logos.
> >
> > While not announced publicly, it is believed that a new Clear Channel
> > initiative will allow Jews worldwide to use Santa Claus and his vast
> > merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts via a 
> special
> > new CCE/Ticketmaster web site being constructed now. Clear Channel
> > executives expressed confidence that this new web site would quickly 
> acquire
> > significant market share from Amazon.com and others.
> > Industry insiders are rumbling that negotiations are already 
> underway to
> > also bring New Year's Eve into the Clear Channel fold, although Clear
> > Channel spokesmen are issuing vigorous denials. They also denied any
> > conversations regarding a possible acquisition of Kwanza, asserting 
> that it
> > was necessary to maintain a competitive balance.
> > The press conference was closed with Clear Channel Entertainment 
> Chairman
> > Brian Becker leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, 
> All Ye
> > Faithful" with a surprise all-star backup band fronted by Kenny G and
> > Michael Bolton.
>